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When stranded in her partner’s old ski village on the anniversary of his disappearance, a distraught woman must finally kill the old thing that’s been lurking in the snow.
I'd personally drop the when and reword the star more like, "Stranded on the anniversary of her partner's disappearance in his old ski village..." To me that comes right out the gate with impact, of course this is a personal preference. Did her partner own a ski village or live there or was it a plaRead more
I’d personally drop the when and reword the star more like, “Stranded on the anniversary of her partner’s disappearance in his old ski village…” To me that comes right out the gate with impact, of course this is a personal preference. Did her partner own a ski village or live there or was it a place he visited? The wording for that seems a tad off to me, maybe I’m not versed enough in skiing to understand that. Still, I would be interested to know what has been lurking in the snow.
See lessWhen two wannabe American Pickers accidentally release a demon from the strange storage unit they just won, they must track down the eccentric billionaire who reneged on the payment to discover what the creature was and how to stop the thing.
Best to have a sing protagonist not 2. It seems to me unnecessary to mention that they won the unit. The face is they opened a unit that they purchased. What will happen if they don’t stop the demon ? What is motivating the protagonist to act in this way and what will happen to him/her if they canRead more
Best to have a sing protagonist not 2.
It seems to me unnecessary to mention that they won the unit. The face is they opened a unit that they purchased.
What will happen if they don’t stop the demon ?
What is motivating the protagonist to act in this way and what will happen to him/her if they cannot fin the previous owner of the unit.?
See lessChained together by backwoods people, a wanted bank-robber and his hostage must work together to escape and survive through unknown terrain.
The "backwoods people" part of the logline doesn't necessarily relate in any clear way to needing to survive through unknown terrain. The event doesn't clearly correlate with the action taken to correct it. Perhaps it needs to be clarified, why the backwoods people are a threat, because that's alsoRead more
The “backwoods people” part of the logline doesn’t necessarily relate in any clear way to needing to survive through unknown terrain.
The event doesn’t clearly correlate with the action taken to correct it.
Perhaps it needs to be clarified, why the backwoods people are a threat, because that’s also not necessarily a given?
What’s the arc of the protagonist? Could you provide a flaw that indicates the change the protagonist will experience across the story?
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