1. Posted: February 28, 2020In:

    A young man accepts the body switch offered from a cult member in order to start a run away from his pregnant girlfriend and start a new life. Little did he knows that the new body requires constant supplies of human hearts. Meanwhile, his old body replaced him at home as cult members have their own plans with his girlfriend.

    Best Answer
    variable Uberwriter

    learning that ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? he must his new body needs a? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?go ask to be returned fresh supply of blood? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?to his old self the cult members have their? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?save heRead more

    learning that ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? he must

    • his new body needs a? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?go ask to be returned
      fresh supply of blood? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?to his old self
    • the cult members have their? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?save her
      own plans with his girlfriend

    the first set of inciting incident -> objective goal is what I suggest you go for in the logline-
    After realizing that his new body requires an endless supply of fresh blood, a man must seek out the operators to reclaim his old body (25 Words)

    The through line with his girlfriend becomes an added complication, to the fact that the cult members are not interested in the re-switch, which is all pretty good for the script,
    but makes the logline harder to read- Returning to reclaim his old body, when a young man learns that his operators are trying to sacrifice his girlfriend, a commitment-phobic man must save her (27 Words) (not recommended)

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  2. Posted: February 24, 2020In:

    While shooting their first music video, a local metal band on the rise quickly realizes that the urban legend surrounding their filming location is true: When people enter, they don?t exit.

    Best Answer
    mrliteral Samurai

    Too long with too much information, yet also not enough detail. Wo don't need to know it's their first video and they're on the rise, but we do need to know what the location is and why it turned out to be a bad idea. Rephrase it without the punctuation and just tell us what it's about: a band shootRead more

    Too long with too much information, yet also not enough detail. Wo don’t need to know it’s their first video and they’re on the rise, but we do need to know what the location is and why it turned out to be a bad idea.

    Rephrase it without the punctuation and just tell us what it’s about: a band shooting a video somewhere dangerous. As is we don’t really have an idea what the overall story is about; you’ve basically summed up a single moment of realization…a single moment is not an entire film. Sum up the first half of the story to the midpoint.

    “A heavy metal band shooting a video at an abandoned castle must survive until morning when the location turns out to be haunted.”

    Just hit us with the pertinent details — protagonist, antagonist, conflict, stakes — so we’ll be interested enough to read more. You can provide additional detail about the characters and location in a synopsis.

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  3. Posted: February 7, 2020In:

    When a cursed camera captures pictures of predestined murders, a cakera collector must unravel mysteries of the occult device to stop her husband’s gruesome fate.

    Best Answer
    DaveStish Penpusher

    It?s a very solid re-work so major kudos on that. To start, I would flip the two parts of the logline. ?Set the characters and the inciting incident at the beginning (she sees the death through the camera) and then get into the stakes/Why the action is worth writing a whole script about. I also secoRead more

    It?s a very solid re-work so major kudos on that.

    To start, I would flip the two parts of the logline. ?Set the characters and the inciting incident at the beginning (she sees the death through the camera) and then get into the stakes/Why the action is worth writing a whole script about.

    I also second dpg, make sure you are specifc on what the camera can actually do. ?Is it a camera that causes/sets death in motion like the video in The Ring or does it predict the circumstances around death like the pictures taken in Final Destination 3?

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