>>>When his deceased daughter?s voice amazingly begins speaking through his future society?s AI network,

Better. Now the logline has a hook embedded in the inciting incident.

>>>>alcoholic….

A result of his daughter’s death? ?A symptom of his grieving? ? Psychologically speaking, if he sunk into uncontrolled drinking as a result of her death, then he’s been a latent alcoholic all along. ?Her death gave him the excuse to totally give into that character flaw. ?Anyway, I’m more inclined to tag him as “grieving” in the logline, dramatize the symptom in the script. ?But that’s a quibble.

>>> forcing him to go rogue.

I get what ?”going rogue” implies. ?It’s a standard trope that a protagonist must jump a fence marked with “No Trespassing” signs to do what he needs to do to get what he needs to get. ?The question on my mind is, would the logline be even stronger, a better sales pitch, if it were more specific as to what “going rogue” means?

I, for one, ?want to know specifically how he goes rogues, how he goes about solving the mystery.

Now then. ?I’ve read a lot of loglines for scripts — scripts that sold ?– with strong hooks ?in terms of setting up the initial situation and inciting incident– but only vague statements of what protagonist does about it. ?In other words, loglines that don’t have a complete summary of a plot.

But in?this precinct, the preferred formulation is a logline that summarizes a plot; that is a logline that states a specific course of action toward a specific objective goal. (Per the guidelines under “Formula” at the top of this web page.)

But again, it appears that a logline can get a script read if it’s got a great hook, even if it’s vague or incomplete on the details of the plot. ?Which is why I I have come to the conclusion that the most important element in a selling logline is the hook.

So why do I vex writers to no end by wanting to see a logline ?that lays out a plot? ?Isn’t having a great hook good enough? ?Well, ?imho, if you’re a newbie, just starting out, without an agent, without industry contacts, then, yeah, having a logline with a strong hook and a ?clear plot is more effective.

I say that even if — as is the case with many loglines posted here — you’re only sending up a trial balloon for a premise, a concept — not for a completed script.?

All I can say now is that you’ve got an interesting premise. ?But I can’t — yet — say you’ve got a great logline. ? Because I haven’t seen the outline of the plot that follows from the premise. ?”Forcing him to go rogue” leaves me guessing where the story is going to go, what his actual m.o. ?and objective goal will be.

But I shouldn’t have to guess. ?The logline should tell me.

fwiw