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Aged out of foster care, Eric Grid needs to learn magic to defend himself from psychic attacks on his path to become rich in the poker tournaments controlled by the mafia.
This logline is good but the structure is off. The best structure for a logline involves the three elements; the event, the character and the action. These elements must be organised into the sentence structure of; "when [an event] happens, a [character] must [the action]". For this logline your eveRead more
This logline is good but the structure is off. The best structure for a logline involves the three elements; the event, the character and the action. These elements must be organised into the sentence structure of; “when [an event] happens, a [character] must [the action]”. For this logline your event would be “When he becomes aged out of foster care” and your action would be “he learns magic to defend himself from psychic attacks”. Your character is completely wrong since you must use a character description and not their name, e.g. “a retired old man”.
See lessMissing – A broken undercover cop and rookie detective are transferred into missing persons. During investigating a missing woman they discover links to one of his old undercover cases and a cover up by his former handler.
This is all just the inciting incident as it currently stands. What are they going to do about it? What's their objective goal? I feel like the first sentence is unnecessary. We don't need to know they are transferred as that's simply a bit of back story and not the inciting incident. Without knowinRead more
This is all just the inciting incident as it currently stands. What are they going to do about it? What’s their objective goal?
I feel like the first sentence is unnecessary. We don’t need to know they are transferred as that’s simply a bit of back story and not the inciting incident. Without knowing why they’re transferred and how that could play into the story, it’s just a bit of colour really.
I’m not sure we need the rookie detective in the logline either. It seems to be much more personal to the undercover cop so, whilst he can have a partner, logline-wise it doesn’t add a lot.
The word “broken” is a bit ambiguous. What, specifically, is wrong with him? You mention PTSD in your comment, PTSD from what?
I think the cover up is possibly an MPR. Surely first of all he makes the connection to an old case then as he investigates that he discovers the cover up that changes his goal. Classic MPR.
I wonder if it’s worth adding that the old case is unsolved. Then the goal is more obvious – solve both cases. It also answers the “why this guy?” question. It’s his old case that he never solved.
I think it would be reasonably straightforward to make this logline work as one sentence, have a suitable goal, and an MPR. What’s the hook though? There’s nothing (yet) that makes this stand out from other similar crime noir films. Flip genders? Homme fatale instead of femme fatale?
Hope this helps in some way.
See lessWhen he’s hired by a distraught Donald Duck, to discover if Daisy Duck’s stepping out on him, A hard-boiled detective must navigate the cartoon underworld in order to catch her in the act. -Are you Fn Goofy- (Test Logline)
I don't want this to be a test! This sounds great!!
I don’t want this to be a test! This sounds great!!
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