1. Posted: April 11, 2024In:

    A gripping tale of family secrets, betrayal, and unbreakable bonds, Detective Carin Trimble is on a quest to untangle a web hints left by her late mother.

    James Walker Penpusher

    I mean it has me intrigued, but without more information how is this different to any other detective story? What are the family secrets? What is in the web of hints? Loglines are used to inform people on the entire plot in as few words as possible. Although the genre is mystery, the logline shouldRead more

    I mean it has me intrigued, but without more information how is this different to any other detective story? What are the family secrets? What is in the web of hints? Loglines are used to inform people on the entire plot in as few words as possible. Although the genre is mystery, the logline should not create mystery.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: June 17, 2024In:

    Thee Unknown God – Some believe We are One with all there is, connected to the spiritual realms, forces of Nature, animals and are born to do good unto others. But, some choose a dark path and when the darkness of the God of War and Roman Empire grows strong, what brings those of the Oneness, three women and a man together to rise up against them?

    James Walker Penpusher

    I love the world you've created and the different points of conflict that you've developed. Who is the main character? I've also learnt that loglines aren't normally used to create mystery, and shouldn't be a question. This is definitely a story worth exploring though.

    I love the world you’ve created and the different points of conflict that you’ve developed. Who is the main character? I’ve also learnt that loglines aren’t normally used to create mystery, and shouldn’t be a question. This is definitely a story worth exploring though.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: June 18, 2024In:

    On a farm in the Portuguese countryside, two Indostanic immigrants with a forbidden attraction become the suspects after the mysterious death of their overbearing female boss. Without papers and pursued by the locals, they take refuge in the container where they live.

    Julian Bowles Penpusher

    I think this is a really effective set up of the characters and the world! All the little details really encourage my curiosity and I am hooked! My only real critique is the last sentence, I believe that it can be more condensed. Perhaps something like 'They take refuge from the law in a container uRead more

    I think this is a really effective set up of the characters and the world! All the little details really encourage my curiosity and I am hooked! My only real critique is the last sentence, I believe that it can be more condensed. Perhaps something like ‘They take refuge from the law in a container unit’ or anything adjacent. I am completely spitballing, otherwise I am genuinely hooked on this concept. Simply slimming it down and making ever word essential will make it air tight.

    See less
    • 1