1. Posted: July 13, 2021In:

    Before setting out to bring his estranged daughter back, an embattled doctor questions ethical behavior and makes a fateful decision to cheat the organ sharing waitlist.

    OKBoomer Penpusher

    I did not read the additional text as the logline should stand alone. Where does the embattled doctor bring his daughter back from? Whose ethical behaviour is the doctor questioning? Who is the doctor cheating the organ sharing (sic) waitlist for? How is bringing his daughter back linked to cheatingRead more

    I did not read the additional text as the logline should stand alone.

    Where does the embattled doctor bring his daughter back from? Whose ethical behaviour is the doctor questioning? Who is the doctor cheating the organ sharing (sic) waitlist for? How is bringing his daughter back linked to cheating the waitlist?

    There is no cause and effect in this logline. There should be an event and as a result, action is taken. Questioning ethics is not an event.

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  2. Posted: July 13, 2021In:

    After a freak accident, a pacifist schoolteacher finds that his memories now include a combustive war veteran’s vengeance.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    So what's he going to do about it? You've given us a setup but no plot.

    So what’s he going to do about it? You’ve given us a setup but no plot.

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  3. Posted: July 14, 2021In:

    When a successful Realtor begins having nightmares of real-life crimes that are orchestrated by the mob he must find how to use this “gift” to save the victims and himself.

    cdesikan Penpusher

    Just my thoughts: Though there is a hook, i am not clear of its power. For e.g. is the realtor sees the crime before it happens or afterwards. Why only 'mob'? It would be good to have all four components: 1. protagonist 2. hook 3. antagonist 4. solution

    Just my thoughts: Though there is a hook, i am not clear of its power. For e.g. is the realtor sees the crime before it happens or afterwards. Why only ‘mob’? It would be good to have all four components:
    1. protagonist 2. hook 3. antagonist 4. solution

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