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When a seemingly crazy man claims to be his wife’s rightful husband, a troubled counselor must must act like the seemingly crazy man if he’s to save his collapsing marriage.”
There's a lot going here, so I think it might be best to clarify a few things. First of all, who is the protagonist? The crazy man, the wife or the counsellor (who I'm assuming is the actual husband? That's something else that needs to be made clear). Secondly, what is the protagonist's goal or aim?Read more
There’s a lot going here, so I think it might be best to clarify a few things.
See lessFirst of all, who is the protagonist? The crazy man, the wife or the counsellor (who I’m assuming is the actual husband? That’s something else that needs to be made clear).
Secondly, what is the protagonist’s goal or aim? Whoever they are, what to do they want?
Thirdly, why is the counsellor’s marriage failing? Why does crazy man claim to be the husband, why must the counsellor act like him, and why does the wife belief this? If the story is a mystery, and these are questions that drive the plot, then considering asking explaining the situation that allow these things to happen?
When a mysterious TV show hits the airwaves, two young women must race against time to stop a killer from the show from invading their house.
What do you think of the idea?
What do you think of the idea?
See lessWhen faced with the agony of getting real jobs after graduation, a hapless hair metal band must make their way to LA for a shot at a huge record deal but a former classmate (and failed musician) works for the label and will stop at nothing to see they flop.
Hey! Great work here. I have a few thoughts. 1) Do we need "When faced with the agony of getting real jobs after graduation"? It doesn't seem to impact the rest of the story because they don't break up and look for real jobs. 2) I think you could explain your band a little better, something more preRead more
Hey! Great work here. I have a few thoughts.
See less1) Do we need “When faced with the agony of getting real jobs after graduation”? It doesn’t seem to impact the rest of the story because they don’t break up and look for real jobs.
2) I think you could explain your band a little better, something more precise. Something like this bad example “thick make-up, big-haired rock band…’ I know exactly what type of fellas these are.
3) Once you introduced the antagonist you use 19 works to get your message across, most good loglines are between 25-30 in total. Try getting that down. I like the guy though, classic chip on his shoulder kinda dude that is a mad pain in the ass and only has that job because his daddy got it for his…something like that I’m sure haha.
4) This is the painful note, I hate getting it and I hate giving it…stakes, what are they? What happens if these guys fail? At the moment it seems like it will just be a pain in the ass to go and find real jobs but that isn’t enough? Not if the antagonist is going to stop at nothing, he/she is going to easily win here. Something to think about. I’m sure you have it it’s just about getting it down here.
Great work, cool premise, I’ll buy a ticket so keep it up!