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EDITED: In Victorian London a ruthless spy battles a fanatic telepath to thwart his plot to kill the Queen and plunge the world into war.
This is cool and an interesting premise. I have a couple of minor points: - Is the fact that the spy is American fundamental? Admittedly, there's a fish out of water thing with it, but I wonder if your protagonist would be better off with a characteristic that suggests an arc. Or something that suggRead more
This is cool and an interesting premise.
I have a couple of minor points:
– Is the fact that the spy is American fundamental? Admittedly, there’s a fish out of water thing with it, but I wonder if your protagonist would be better off with a characteristic that suggests an arc. Or something that suggests how she, an individual with no special abilities, can take on someone with the power of telepathy.
– “Telepathic madman”… ok, so they telepathy thing is cool but I wonder if madman is the right choice. I think it could be stronger if he is described in a way that suggests he actually has a clear motive and a goal. He might be a madman, but that makes me think his actions are a result of his madness and potentially more erratic and less calculated. This is totally just my interpretation. The best villains act with complete certainty and a clarity of action that what they’re doing is right e.g. Thanos, Hans Gruber, Darth Vader. Food for thought.
– I think it might be worthwhile adding the ultimate goal of the antagonist. Why does he want to assassinate the Queen?
Hope this helps in some way.
See lessA meek middle-aged clerk has to escape a violent interrogation by a determined CIA agent who identifies him as the nation’s number one terrorist menace.
Cool, but what happens after the mild-mannered clerk lawyer’s up during a bad cop interrogation? This is a great inciting incident, but I am unable to see Act II or III. Keep going, take care.
Cool, but what happens after the mild-mannered clerk lawyer’s up during a bad cop interrogation? This is a great inciting incident, but I am unable to see Act II or III.
Keep going, take care.
See lessWhen a mistress learns her lover has died and his death erroneously ruled a suicide, she must untangle the true cause of his death.
It is interesting and has some of the main ingredients, namely Character, Inciting incident, Action, Goal, which are all really important. I feel it lacks Stakes, which are implied, but we need more: what will happen if she does not untangle the cause of his death? Is there something original or spiRead more
It is interesting and has some of the main ingredients, namely Character, Inciting incident, Action, Goal, which are all really important.
I feel it lacks Stakes, which are implied, but we need more: what will happen if she does not untangle the cause of his death? Is there something original or spicy there? This is extremely important: Stakes.
Also, some specificity would elevate it.
Can we get a characterization for the mistress? What type of person is she? Why are we reading her story? Is she young? Is she poor? Is she a trained boxer? Or an orphan who is left alone in the world? Why is he her lover and not her husband? What will she gain or lose? (Again, stakes)
Another piece is the Problem or the antagonist and the conflict. This is implied, but what will she come up against in her quest for justice? Think ancient Greek tragedies.
Another thing, would be the mention of the World. What type of place and society does she live in? Is it a city? Is it a dystopian future or ancient Rome?
Finally, try to bring some Irony in the mix to truly make it unique.
Hope this helped 🙂
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