1. Posted: January 14, 2020In:

    After a cheerleader is murdered, her boyfriend discovers that she is a ghost and ends up falling in love with her twin sister who happens to be a serial killer.

    Tony Byrd Penpusher

    I changed the ghost to a she.

    I changed the ghost to a she.

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  2. Posted: January 14, 2020In:

    A married man begins dating a woman via lucid dream technology, but things get strange when she starts appearing when he?s awake.

    yqwertz Mentor

    I like the concept, but I think it needs tightening. What do you mean by "things get strange"? What happens after the man sees this woman in real life is going to make the difference between a comedy, a drama, a thriller or an adventure. Even though you put this idea in the "adventure" genre, from tRead more

    I like the concept, but I think it needs tightening.

    What do you mean by “things get strange”? What happens after the man sees this woman in real life is going to make the difference between a comedy, a drama, a thriller or an adventure. Even though you put this idea in the “adventure” genre, from the way the logline is written at present, it could be almost any thing else. Give us some hint about what happens when “things get strange”.

    The other question I have is whether or not she recognizes him and was having the same dream? If not, you’ve got the basis for a stalker film where things could really get strange, but in a bad way. If she does recognize him and was having the same dream, you’ve got the basis for a romantic comedy.

    The logline needs to give the reader some indication of which way the film is headed.

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  3. Posted: January 15, 2020In:

    After his vengeful ex-partner in crime recruits his son for a dangerous heist, a reclusive fugitive must come out of hiding and take his place in order to save him.

    Best Answer
    Mike Pedley Singularity

    I think the story can be sustained by just padding out a little of the logline. Maybe the fugitive discovers that his ex-partner was using the son as a pawn to draw the fugitive out because he needs the best in the business? Or maybe he's drawing him out to get his revenge? I reckon if you added a rRead more

    I think the story can be sustained by just padding out a little of the logline. Maybe the fugitive discovers that his ex-partner was using the son as a pawn to draw the fugitive out because he needs the best in the business? Or maybe he’s drawing him out to get his revenge? I reckon if you added a really interesting MPR that gives us a clue to the real?motives of this ex-partner, you will easily sustain this idea.

    I would frame the inciting incident from the protagonist’s point of view. “When he discovers his vengeful ex-partner has recruited his son…”

     

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