1. Posted: September 12, 2019In:

    An assassin with a split personality is hired to protect a client who, unknowingly, his other personality has been hired to kill.

    Trix Samurai

    Brilliant - Just thinking about making that play out well makes my head ache, but this is a brilliant hook!

    Brilliant – Just thinking about making that play out well makes my head ache, but this is a brilliant hook!

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  2. Posted: January 10, 2020In:

    During a near-future nuclear war, when an A-bomb forces her into a public bunker, an optimistic head-nurse and mother takes charge of the eclectic group of strangers to ensure they survive the mandatory month-long confinement

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    Thanks for the comments, Trix. Here's my thoughts/responses to your comments. I wanted to have it set in a dystopian near-future so that whilst technology has moved forwards, mankind seems to have taken a ?step backwards. I get that A-bomb tells us it's nuclear war but I wanted to make it clear thisRead more

    Thanks for the comments, Trix. Here’s my thoughts/responses to your comments.

    • I wanted to have it set in a dystopian near-future so that whilst technology has moved forwards, mankind seems to have taken a ?step backwards. I get that A-bomb tells us it’s nuclear war but I wanted to make it clear this is common-place. Things are in place to deal with it (like the bunkers) and it’s become a part of life.
    • Based on my (admittedly minimal) research, after 72 hours you could potentially leave the shelter but recommendations are for a 2 week stay in the bunker. I feel like 2 weeks isn’t long enough so I upped it and will have an explanation why. At the midpoint, another A-bomb drops nearby so they are forced to stay in for even longer. As for how ‘near’, I’m thinking within the next 50 years or so.
    • Head nurse, chief nurse – matron might work better…? I wanted her to be someone whom everyone looked up to instantly. She’s medically trained and, not only that, she’s good enough to be a leader. So it’s natural for her to a) be the person whom people turn to for guidance, especially if people are injured going into the shelter (this is the case and will set her up with ordering people about to save lives), and b) be used to taking charge in high-stress situations so proactively just does it. I wanted this to be the answer to the ever-painful question of “why is this person the protagonist?”.
    • You’re absolutely right here. The conflict is minimal within the logline as it stands. The issue I have is that, to me, within the bunker, there’s a snowball effect of mini-disasters – opposing ideals, people wanting to get out, limited resources, another bomb goes off towards the end of their stay, etc, etc – that cumulatively makes the situation about survival. I’m not sure how to phrase that in the logline though – any ideas?

    Great notes and I’d love to see your response to my comments.

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  3. Posted: January 12, 2020In:

    A group of childhood abuse survivors goes on a downward spiral when they come together to share stories and heal.

    Lotcher Samurai

    Having read quite a few of your entries I?ve noticed most (if not all) of said entries have been under 25 words so I want to make it known that when it comes to writing Loglines don?t be afraid of going over 25 words. A Logline I recently wrote took me 58 words to explain the idea?to myself,?and inRead more

    Having read quite a few of your entries I?ve noticed most (if not all) of said entries have been under 25 words so I want to make it known that when it comes to writing Loglines don?t be afraid of going over 25 words.

    A Logline I recently wrote took me 58 words to explain the idea?to myself,?and in doing so I came out with a better understand the scope of my the overall story. From there I whittled that down to 40 odd words, then 35 odd and eventually down to 26 words. I found my favourite version of said Logline was 32 words long and I would not have known that if I didn?t push my Logline past the 25 word boundary.

    When it comes to Loglines be aware that there are?2 Different Types of Loglines: One that you will use? during the planning/writing phase and one you will use for marketing purposes. I call the former a?Working Logline?and the latter the?Logline Pitch.

    My 58 word behemoth would be an example of a Working Logline (of which I have refined said 32 words).

    My 26 word Logline on the other hand could very well be my Logline Pitch. Chances are if you were sending your work to a film festival or an agent there could be a 25 word cut-out, so with the elimination of one word I have myself a marketable Logline.

    With this I have two distinct pitches: a personal one that makes sense to me and a marketable version that makes sense to everyone (and/or target audience).

    Where I?m going at with this is that you can break the rules, but it is most important that you learn and understand the rules. So break the rules, make it unconventional, and learn how the rules work because good writers are good editors, but even the best editor cannot work on a blank page.

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