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  1. Posted: August 20, 2019In: Comedy

    A renowned? but snobby food critic finds himself trapped in a Michelin star restaurant after a snowstorm with the volatile French chef whose previous establishment closed down due to a scathing review he wrote.

    Ser0216 Penpusher
    Added an answer on September 26, 2019 at 11:21 am

    I like the premise! It has the conflict and comedic potential. I agree with the comments about it needing a hint about what kind of comedy it is. Is it going to be dark or light hearted? The script can keep us guessing, but the logline should tell us exactly what we are getting. Keep at it!

    I like the premise! It has the conflict and comedic potential. I agree with the comments about it needing a hint about what kind of comedy it is. Is it going to be dark or light hearted? The script can keep us guessing, but the logline should tell us exactly what we are getting. Keep at it!

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  2. Posted: September 25, 2019In: SciFi

    When a vigilante hacker deploys a power-hungry corporation?s experimental software that controls reality, she must exploit the resulting bugs to evade capture and foil their treacherous plot to enslave the world.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on September 25, 2019 at 7:15 pm

    I would argue that the inciting incident, since the goal is to foil the plot and save the world, is the moment she realises what their plan is. Maybe she illegally hacks their reality software and discovers the next iteration of their software will do something bad - then her goal is to stop that. WRead more

    I would argue that the inciting incident, since the goal is to foil the plot and save the world, is the moment she realises what their plan is. Maybe she illegally hacks their reality software and discovers the next iteration of their software will do something bad – then her goal is to stop that.

    Why does she deploy this new software? I see no motivation for a hacker to do this? What does she stand to gain by deploying it?

    Why does the corporation want to enslave the world? How precisely are they going to do that? They’re already enslaved in a “virtual reality” anyway right? Surely we’re getting a little too close to The Matrix now?

    I like the idea but I think it’s lacking a hook and something that ties it all together.

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  3. Posted: September 24, 2019In: Comedy

    After seeing one year ahead in a clairvoyant?s crystal ball and discovering he?s dead, a happy-go-lucky family man evaluates every part of his life in an attempt to prevent his demise.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on September 25, 2019 at 11:16 am

    I like your latest idea.? Suggest that if the lesson learned in Act 3 is to live in the present, then perhaps his contrasting problem in Act 1 might be that that he's always living for the future, striving for his Big Dream.? And he could be quite happy doing so because he's making steady progress tRead more

    I like your latest idea.? Suggest that if the lesson learned in Act 3 is to live in the present, then perhaps his contrasting problem in Act 1 might be that that he’s always living for the future, striving for his Big Dream.? And he could be quite happy doing so because he’s making steady progress toward his Biggest Dream.? Only needs 3-4 years to reach it. (Although to accomplish that Big Dream he’s postponing other things that turn out to be more important. like a loving relationship. marriage, a family,)

    And then he discovers he’s only got one year to live.? Which is a bummer in itself but it also means he’ll die without accomplishing his Big Dream. So what must he do?

    IOW:? if his objective goal is figure out a way not to die in one year, well, IMHO it’s better for the objective goal to not to be defined the word not. It should not be framed as a negative. So if he must not die in one year it’s so he can achieve something positive.? Which is…?

    fwiw

    ?

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