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Sex Magic, witchcraft, pornography charges, tabloid headlines ? In 1950s Sydney, Rosaleen Norton was extremely naughty, but did the scandals overshadow an artistic genius?
girlbad:Thanks for the clarification.? So you are making a factual documentary, not a fictionalized dramatization of her life? (Unfortunately, documentary? currently is not in the list of genres)? If so, I suggest framing the narrative? not in terms of "was notorious"? because that's inert in termsRead more
girlbad:
Thanks for the clarification.? So you are making a factual documentary, not a fictionalized dramatization of her life? (Unfortunately, documentary? currently is not in the list of genres)? If so, I suggest framing the narrative? not in terms of “was notorious”? because that’s inert in terms evoking a sense of dramatic conflict and casts her in the role a passive victim of a bad press.
Well, she was the? victim of bad publicity, but she was not passive.? She was the protagonist of her own life story, and in any documentary or drama, the protagonist is by definition proactive. So she needs to be portrayed as such, as a rebel who defied conventional norms, an outsider who practiced her art (and her beliefs) in spite of the controversies that swirled around her.
See lesswhen she discovered she is a mixed-breed of both angel and demon, fiona must do all she can to protect those she loves from the demons who are trying to take over the world as the angels question her loyalty.
As per every version of this logline, we don't need her name. It doesn't add anything to the story. Instead give us something that tells us who she is. The story would be very different if she was described as "cautious" compared to "reckless" for example. Do your protagonist the courtesy of makingRead more
As per every version of this logline, we don’t need her name. It doesn’t add anything to the story. Instead give us something that tells us who she is. The story would be very different if she was described as “cautious” compared to “reckless” for example. Do your protagonist the courtesy of making her a person… not just a name.
After her discovery, why does that automatically mean she gets involved in the war? What specifically makes her either want or have to get involved? That’s more likely your inciting incident rather than just her discovery. It’s similar to a superhero logline – the inciting incident isn’t the discovery of superpowers, it’s the arrival of the supervillain.
If the demons are trying to take over the world, surely her goal is to save the world not just her loved ones?
Does she have special abilities if she is half angel half demon? How does she discover this information? Is she the only one who can end this war? Is there a prophecy about her?
At the moment, I think I’m just struggling to get excited about the story as the logline doesn’t make it sound as EPIC as it could be. Angels, demons, end of the world and a half breed… it should feel like a BIG story on a global scale but at the moment it’s just a small story about a girl and her family.
Hope this helps.
See lessEngland 1962. Two teenage sisters, sibling rivals who argue over everything, go to an all-night party that launches their career as pop singers. Will they rocket to stardom or fizzle out like a defective cherry bomb?
Thanks fwiw. It is actually both. It's about trying to make it as a pop-singing duo, and running into personal problems that may derail their goal. I'll give you "the Coppola" technique a try.
Thanks fwiw. It is actually both. It’s about trying to make it as a pop-singing duo, and running into personal problems that may derail their goal. I’ll give you “the Coppola” technique a try.
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