1. Posted: April 7, 2018In:

    When he meets his holiday romance at the same hotel from 20 years ago, a broke Greek waiter must help organize her wedding to one of the most wealthy and prominent men in the country. (For the YouTube livestream)

    dpg Singularity

    >>> while secretly trying to break them up.?My concern is that it focuses on the negative side of what must surely be his positive intent.? ?Yes, he has to break them up but that's only 1/2 the job.? He could break them up? and still fail to win her heart.His ultimate objective goal is to wRead more

    >>> while secretly trying to break them up.?

    My concern is that it focuses on the negative side of what must surely be his positive intent.? ?Yes, he has to break them up but that’s only 1/2 the job.? He could break them up? and still fail to win her heart.

    His ultimate objective goal is to win her heart.? So I suggest the logline should be framed positively, in terms of his end game, his ultimate goal.

    Further, I don’t think the rival? needs to be described in? negative terms like “conceited”.? It facilely sets him up as? a dramatic foil.

    He could be a perfectly decent guy — but it’s just not a match.? ?There’s no personal chemistry between them. (As there still is after all these years between her and the waiter.)? It may be a marriage of material convenience for her.? She’s the one with the character flaw:? she’s settling for security instead of? daring to risk all for love? (which is why she turned down the poor waiter the first time).

    I suggest this is a more mature story line, an emotionally seasoned one that would appeal to the obvious target audience. (By obvious, I mean the passage of time, 20 years, places the characters in the 40+ age group.)? ?An audience that has lived and loved long enough to have faced such a predicament or know of friends or family who have.? They can connect and empathize with the dilemma faced by both of the principal characters.

    fwiw

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  2. Posted: March 24, 2018In:

    A married woman, riddled with guilt, starts over in a tiny village, but making it her home gets even tougher when she discovers she’s falling for the vicar.

    dpg Singularity

    >>>Caught by her husband with another man, Sarah starts over in a tiny village, but fitting in is tough when she finds she?s falling for the local vicar and is treading on some serious toes.So... your story, in a nutshell, seems to be:? A woman caught in adultery in one town flees in disgraRead more

    >>>Caught by her husband with another man, Sarah starts over in a tiny village, but fitting in is tough when she finds she?s falling for the local vicar and is treading on some serious toes.

    So… your story, in a nutshell, seems to be:? A woman caught in adultery in one town flees in disgrace to another only to be tempted to commit adultery again.

    Well, that seems to be rather thin thread with which to weave a plot.? Drama is about conflict.? Not just any conflict, but conflict that induces change.? ?Well, there is induced change in her circumstances (must move to another town), but I fail to see the prospect, even a hint, of the most important change of all, change in her character.

    What am I missing here? What is the theme you wish to explore?

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  3. Posted: February 27, 2018In:

    When he meets his holiday romance at the same hotel from 20 years ago, a broke Greek waiter must help organize her wedding to one of the most wealthy and prominent men in the country.

    variable Uberwriter

    Hi savinh0 ! sorry for misunderstanding your logline now that I realize it's from the perspective of "girl as protagonist" I must say I like this logline and suggest a simple spinoff to bring her forward in action: logline: When she discovers that her "holiday romance from 20 years ago" is now a "brRead more

    Hi savinh0 !
    sorry for misunderstanding your logline

    now that I realize it’s from the perspective of “girl as protagonist” I must say I like this logline and suggest a simple spinoff to bring her forward in action:

    logline: When she discovers that her “holiday romance from 20 years ago” is now a “broke greek waiter”, helping to organize her marriage to “one of the most wealthy and prominent men in the country” she must (do certain action) to (achieve certain dramatic need) or (risk certain stakes)

    hope this helps,
    good luck with your work!

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