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1880s London: As an American assassin struggles with her dead father’s vengeful spirit, a mysterious cult attempts to brainwash her into killing Queen Victoria.
In 1880's London, a mentally tormented American woman, brainwashed by a mysterious cult, plots to kill Queen Victoria. (18 words) The cult has to succeed in brainwashing her. At least temporarily to motivate the plot. I don't understand why this would be categorized as SciFi flick. What's the sciencRead more
In 1880’s London, a mentally tormented American woman, brainwashed by a mysterious cult, plots to kill Queen Victoria.
(18 words)
The cult has to succeed in brainwashing her. At least temporarily to motivate the plot.
I don’t understand why this would be categorized as SciFi flick. What’s the science entailed in the premise?
See less(REVISED.) When the reluctant Sheriff of Sweetwater on a colony of Mars stumbles on a plan to destroy the town to make room for an illegal worm farm, he and his friends have to defend the town he loves from a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate.
FWIW: I don't see anything in the logline that makes it *necessary* for the story to be set on Mars. OK, it's different--but is it absolutely necessary? Why is it the case that the plot wouldn't work on any other planet/setting? Setting the story on Mars signals to would-be producers that they willRead more
FWIW: I don’t see anything in the logline that makes it *necessary* for the story to be set on Mars. OK, it’s different–but is it absolutely necessary? Why is it the case that the plot wouldn’t work on any other planet/setting?
Setting the story on Mars signals to would-be producers that they will have to budget in extra $,$$$,$$$ for special effects and props. The plot should justify that additional expense.
Just saying.
See lessWhen the Sheriff of Sweetwater, Mars stumbles on a plan to destroy the town to make room for an illegal worm farm, he and his friends have to defend the town from destruction by a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate.
The structure works: we know who, what's at stake, who's against him, and what he has to do. Where it gets clunky: "destroy" and "destruction" come back three times in close range, and "destruction by a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate" is a passive construction; flipping it to "from a megalomaniac SoybRead more
The structure works: we know who, what’s at stake, who’s against him, and what he has to do. Where it gets clunky: “destroy” and “destruction” come back three times in close range, and “destruction by a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate” is a passive construction; flipping it to “from a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate” picks up the pace.
See lessThe character description tells us his job but nothing about who he is as a person (“languid sheriff” or “self-centred weather man” would tell us how he behaves before the story even starts.)
The place names don’t earn their space either; a descriptor of the town and its world would tell us more than “Sweetwater, Mars” does. But the story is fun: an off-world Western with an illegal worm farm and a Soybean Magnate as antagonist places this on a sci-fi comedy shelf you can already see.
What’s missing is the sheriff’s personal stake. Defending a town reads generic until we know what he has to lose. And “megalomaniac” is the lazy version of the villain; a specific quirk on the Soybean Magnate would make him memorable.