Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
(REVISED.) When the reluctant Sheriff of Sweetwater on a colony of Mars stumbles on a plan to destroy the town to make room for an illegal worm farm, he and his friends have to defend the town he loves from a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate.
FWIW: I don't see anything in the logline that makes it *necessary* for the story to be set on Mars. OK, it's different--but is it absolutely necessary? Why is it the case that the plot wouldn't work on any other planet/setting? Setting the story on Mars signals to would-be producers that they willRead more
FWIW: I don’t see anything in the logline that makes it *necessary* for the story to be set on Mars. OK, it’s different–but is it absolutely necessary? Why is it the case that the plot wouldn’t work on any other planet/setting?
Setting the story on Mars signals to would-be producers that they will have to budget in extra $,$$$,$$$ for special effects and props. The plot should justify that additional expense.
Just saying.
See lessWhen the Sheriff of Sweetwater, Mars stumbles on a plan to destroy the town to make room for an illegal worm farm, he and his friends have to defend the town from destruction by a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate.
The structure works: we know who, what's at stake, who's against him, and what he has to do. Where it gets clunky: "destroy" and "destruction" come back three times in close range, and "destruction by a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate" is a passive construction; flipping it to "from a megalomaniac SoybRead more
The structure works: we know who, what’s at stake, who’s against him, and what he has to do. Where it gets clunky: “destroy” and “destruction” come back three times in close range, and “destruction by a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate” is a passive construction; flipping it to “from a megalomaniac Soybean Magnate” picks up the pace.
See lessThe character description tells us his job but nothing about who he is as a person (“languid sheriff” or “self-centred weather man” would tell us how he behaves before the story even starts.)
The place names don’t earn their space either; a descriptor of the town and its world would tell us more than “Sweetwater, Mars” does. But the story is fun: an off-world Western with an illegal worm farm and a Soybean Magnate as antagonist places this on a sci-fi comedy shelf you can already see.
What’s missing is the sheriff’s personal stake. Defending a town reads generic until we know what he has to lose. And “megalomaniac” is the lazy version of the villain; a specific quirk on the Soybean Magnate would make him memorable.
When an eighteen year old boy who yearns for a great adventure is gifted extraordinary powers, he must learn to balance his emotions while fate bodes a reality he is not prepared to face.
What becomes his objective goal after being gifted by these "extraordinary powers". Who/what opposes him?
What becomes his objective goal after being gifted by these “extraordinary powers”. Who/what opposes him?
See less