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In a post-apocalyptic world, five genetically enhanced children raised by a corrupted AI must navigate a crime-riddled society, unknowingly undermining a rival AI striving to end war and violence.
The hook of the story is carbon-based kids being raised by silicon-based AI. And I think it is an intriguing one. However: >>Dramatic Question: Are the kids really the future of the world, or are they the harbingers of its downfall? It is better to frame the dramatic question in terms of a speRead more
The hook of the story is carbon-based kids being raised by silicon-based AI. And I think it is an intriguing one.
However:
>>Dramatic Question: Are the kids really the future of the world, or are they the harbingers of its downfall?
It is better to frame the dramatic question in terms of a specific, concrete objective goal that either the kids or the the AI must achieve. What is that specific, concrete objective goal?
By that I mean, what’s the visual? Movies are a visual medium. What’s the visual on kids being “really the future of the world” or “harbingers of its downfall”?
What’s the scene that dramatizes and visualizes that the main character(s) have succeeded–or failed?
See lessThe richest man in the solar system wants to colonize the stars with his newly invented faster-than-light technology, but every power mad government and greedy corporation will stop at nothing to take it for themselves.
Here's a rewrite: The richest man in the solar system wants to colonize the stars with his newly invented faster-than-light technology, but must fend off, fight, and negotiate with every power mad government and greedy corporation who will stop at nothing to take it for themselves.
Here’s a rewrite:
The richest man in the solar system wants to colonize the stars with his newly invented faster-than-light technology, but must fend off, fight, and negotiate with every power mad government and greedy corporation who will stop at nothing to take it for themselves.
See less🔥💧EMPÍDOCLUS: The sands of time🌪️⛰️ – Movie {🐺}
Example: On a distant planet governed by elementals, an unlikely group of [masters] set out to defeat the corrupt fire… Honestly, the rest of the logline falls under the "Show, don't tell" rule.
Example:
On a distant planet governed by elementals, an unlikely group of [masters] set out to defeat the corrupt fire…
Honestly, the rest of the logline falls under the “Show, don’t tell” rule.
See less