1. Posted: March 24, 2022In:

    An earnest biology teacher fights a desperate battle to stop the military from weaponizing his students, who’ve developed a group mind after they’ve been infected by a spore from a decommissioned satellite.

    sloanpeterson Logliner

    I would just change the order a bit because it felt like i was playing catch up while reading. Maybe... An earnest biology teacher fights a desperate battle to stop the military from weaponizing his students by infecting them with a spore from a decommissioned satellite, causing them to develop a grRead more

    I would just change the order a bit because it felt like i was playing catch up while reading. Maybe…

    An earnest biology teacher fights a desperate battle to stop the military from weaponizing his students by infecting them with a spore from a decommissioned satellite, causing them to develop a group mind.

    Also, developing a group mind doesn’t sound too terribly bad or urgent. What is it about this group mind that is dangerous? The word weaponizing is good, and battle as well, but then this wording kind of takes the danger out of it.

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  2. Posted: February 16, 2022In:

    After being accidentally injected with an experimental hyper adrenaline drug, a skinny, shy and dull-life man must learn how to use his newly ultra-energized body to escape from a secret government organization which is on the hunt for him.

    iceisnice Penpusher

    Excellent! A nitpick/suggestion, I'd consider using "lifeless" over "dull-life" which sounds a little awkward imo

    Excellent! A nitpick/suggestion, I’d consider using “lifeless” over “dull-life” which sounds a little awkward imo

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  3. Posted: February 15, 2022In:

    After 1000 years of the human exodus out of earth, 8 scientists go back to the planet to check if it’s once again suitable to live, only to find out earth doesn’t want humans there any more.

    Richiev Singularity

    Who is the lead character? What are the stakes?

    Who is the lead character?
    What are the stakes?

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