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When an android bodyguard assassinates the President during a training simulation, a Systems Analyst believed responsible must abduct the android for protection while finding the culprit.
After a secret service android assassinates the President and its software engineer becomes the prime suspect,?engineer and android must evade capture and partner up to find the culprit who hacked the android's AI. (34 words)While ?biking through spectacular scenery yesterday, this premise kept flitRead more
After a secret service android assassinates the President and its software engineer becomes the prime suspect,?engineer and android must evade capture and partner up to find the culprit who hacked the android’s AI.
(34 words)
While ?biking through spectacular scenery yesterday, this premise kept flitting in and out of my mind. Why? ?Because it embedded not 1 but 2 hooks in my mind.?1] A secret service android ?assassinates the President. 2] An odd couple buddy film: engineer and android must partner up to solve the crime.
Notes:
“Secret service android” instead of ?”bodyguard” because that’s the correct terminology.
“Assassinates” because it’s stronger, implies more significant consequences, than merely “kills”.
“Software engineer” rather than “systems analyst”; I think it is?better fit.
[Takeaway: ?to sell the script and yourself as the person to write it and do re-writes and polishes, it’s imperative to get the terminology right, create the right 1st impression that you’ve done your homework, know your subject matter.]?
“Engineer and android must evade capture and ?partner up” ?– how they escape custody, evade capture are details for the script. ?IOW: the meaty details, the steak. What the logline needs to sell is the sizzle: android and human partner up — an odd couple relationship.
Anyway, the concept gets my thumbs up. ?Best wishes with the story.
See less2069AD. When her step-mother throws out the stray cat she?s been harbouring, a lonely girl in a sterile biosphere, must brave an unknown, toxic outside world to find her only friend.
I think I agree with Gaenhart. The logline is pretty good.
I think I agree with Gaenhart. The logline is pretty good.
See lessAfter becoming immune to their technology that predicts and alters our choices, a young woman must stop a secret society’s twisted plan for humanity’s future.
I think it sounds sexier flipping the pronoun "their". It's a freakin' secret society! Throw that shit out front. Hooked. Also is there a better adjective for the "young" woman? A "naive" woman. An "idealistic" woman. What else is she besides young? You might get a little more oomph with a differentRead more
I think it sounds sexier flipping the pronoun “their”. It’s a freakin’ secret society! Throw that shit out front. Hooked.
Also is there a better adjective for the “young” woman? A “naive” woman. An “idealistic” woman. What else is she besides young? You might get a little more oomph with a different adjective.
After becoming immune to a secret society?s ?technology that predicts and alters our choices, a young woman must stop their?twisted plan for humanity?s future.
See less