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In a world where youth unemployment is the norm, a depressed teen looks for alternatives online but is subsumed by a social media hive-mind bent on the destruction of America?s most sacred institution: the mall.
Agreed with DPG the main story problem doesn't seem to carry high enough stakes. Also most youth, that I am aware of, don't work i.e it's the norm already. I suppose it depends on the definition of youth in this instance, so perhaps the description should change to a world in which unemployment is tRead more
Agreed with DPG the main story problem doesn’t seem to carry high enough stakes.
Also most youth, that I am aware of, don’t work i.e it’s the norm already. I suppose it depends on the definition of youth in this instance, so perhaps the description should change to a world in which unemployment is the norm regardless of the demographic.
Secondly most teenagers are depressed teens and if not most then many are, fundamentally this is not a good main character description as it is too generic. The logline should explain what it is about this teen that’s unique and subsequently interesting.
See lessDisillusioned with God and the modern world, an immortal man suffering from an existential crisis attempts to immanentize the eschaton- bring heaven on Earth. He resorts to murder and underhandedness as means to justify his end. Title: Aeturnum
Agreed with Kbfilmworks and DPG.In addition, the use of generic description and lack of detail make it hard to picture what the story will look like and how the plot will play out. The reason is that the logline doesn't describe in detail the necessary story elements making it? un clear (in specificRead more
Agreed with Kbfilmworks and DPG.
In addition, the use of generic description and lack of detail make it hard to picture what the story will look like and how the plot will play out. The reason is that the logline doesn’t describe in detail the necessary story elements making it? un clear (in specific terms) what kind of person the main character is, what starts him off on his journey and what his goal is.
Here is a helpful guide which outlines the vital components necessary for constructing loglines:
See lesshttps://loglines.org/howto/
Disillusioned with God and the modern world, an immortal man goes to great lengths to immanentize the eschaton- bring heaven on Earth. Title: Aeturnus
Becoming disillusioned is not an inciting incident rather it is the result of an inciting incident, which begs the question what is the inciting incident? The next draft of the logline needs to explain what motivated him to bring heaven on Earth. Secondly every hero (in good stories) "...goes to greRead more
Becoming disillusioned is not an inciting incident rather it is the result of an inciting incident, which begs the question what is the inciting incident? The next draft of the logline needs to explain what motivated him to bring heaven on Earth.
Secondly every hero (in good stories) “…goes to great lengths…”, other wise their story would be boring. The next draft of the logline should describe what it is exactly that this hero must do in this story.
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