1. Posted: September 28, 2015In:

    When their last mission fails, three neurotic hit-men from three different times and civilizations are separately enlisted by a highly secretive organization to assassinate each other.

    Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat Logliner

    Please note:This is part of my job to write loglines. However, that's not an art as easy to practice as arithmetics and like for screenplays, this is of great help to make them read by other people. So as most of the members of Logline.It, I assume, I post loglines in order to get constructive feedbRead more

    Please note:

    This is part of my job to write loglines. However, that’s not an art as easy to practice as arithmetics and like for screenplays, this is of great help to make them read by other people.
    So as most of the members of Logline.It, I assume, I post loglines in order to get constructive feedback to improve my work.
    I mean spontaneous feedback and exchanges of views, not scholastic feuds with self-appointed logline doctors. About the “How To” write loglines, there is a very good page where everything needed can be found: https://loglines.org/howto.

    What interests me is also statistics: how many people read my loglines, how many give useful comments… which is a good barometer of how interesting they are/become.

    So if your purpose is to give your spontaneous feedback, bad or good, about loglines that interest you, you’re welcome. If your purpose is just to make yourself important, please pass your way: this just breaks statistics.

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  2. Posted: September 30, 2015In:

    When a egocentric scientist is abducted by a intergalactic tyrant. She must band together with her fellow captives and escape the prison ship and warn earth of its imminent destruction.

    Karel Segers Logliner

    Hi Andrew, Great to see you active in our new look site! I like the concept, but think you can improve the actual logline. "When a egocentric scientist ... tyrant" is a subclause. You can't end it on a full-stop. Also the 'and' - 'and' sounds awkward. A few words on the story: it is plain and simpleRead more

    Hi Andrew,

    Great to see you active in our new look site! I like the concept, but think you can improve the actual logline.

    “When a egocentric scientist … tyrant” is a subclause. You can’t end it on a full-stop.

    Also the ‘and’ – ‘and’ sounds awkward.

    A few words on the story: it is plain and simple, and may well work. That said, there isn’t really anything super exciting about the concept that makes it stand out. These days, to get interest in a SciFi concept, it must be highly unique. Mostly they’re high concept. This isn’t really…

    That said, the stakes are high, and the goal is clear.

    My final point: it feels like the story isn’t over when Earthy is simple ‘warned’. The enemy is still on its way…

    So I’m expecting there will be a battle in Act 3? Try to work it into the logline, in a way that sounds appealing.

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  3. Posted: September 28, 2015In:

    When testing a space-time machine, a brilliant young scientist finds herself stranded in space and time searching for a way home after her machine breaks down.

    Best Answer
    steveylang Samurai

    The stranded in space/time concept is very interesting, although I agree it needs clarity/more specific detail. Like "When testing a space-time machine, a brilliant young scientist finds herself stranded in {WHERE/WHEN]?searching for a way home after her machine breaks down." Where/when could be anyRead more

    The stranded in space/time concept is very interesting, although I agree it needs clarity/more specific detail. Like

    “When testing a space-time machine, a brilliant young scientist finds herself stranded in {WHERE/WHEN]?searching for a way home after her machine breaks down.”

    Where/when could be anything as far as we know- 500 years in the future or past, 10 galaxies over, etc.?It appears you have a very specific setting in mind where the show takes place (as opposed to say a series where the protag is in a different place every episode). So I would describe that place (advanced alien race, etc.)

    I think the WHERE/WHEN would probably be a key to how or why your TV show is compelling, so that needs to be in the logline.

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