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The U.S. govt., along with Nasa, devise a plot to relocate people of color to inhabit the moon; against their will!
Why? And more importantly, why do we care? The plot by the government could be to protect everyone of colour from a gang of racist aliens... Without a protagonist though, we're watching the news, not a movie.
Why? And more importantly, why do we care? The plot by the government could be to protect everyone of colour from a gang of racist aliens… Without a protagonist though, we’re watching the news, not a movie.
See lessEDITED: In Victorian London a ruthless spy battles a fanatic telepath to thwart his plot to kill the Queen and plunge the world into war.
This is cool and an interesting premise. I have a couple of minor points: - Is the fact that the spy is American fundamental? Admittedly, there's a fish out of water thing with it, but I wonder if your protagonist would be better off with a characteristic that suggests an arc. Or something that suggRead more
This is cool and an interesting premise.
I have a couple of minor points:
– Is the fact that the spy is American fundamental? Admittedly, there’s a fish out of water thing with it, but I wonder if your protagonist would be better off with a characteristic that suggests an arc. Or something that suggests how she, an individual with no special abilities, can take on someone with the power of telepathy.
– “Telepathic madman”… ok, so they telepathy thing is cool but I wonder if madman is the right choice. I think it could be stronger if he is described in a way that suggests he actually has a clear motive and a goal. He might be a madman, but that makes me think his actions are a result of his madness and potentially more erratic and less calculated. This is totally just my interpretation. The best villains act with complete certainty and a clarity of action that what they’re doing is right e.g. Thanos, Hans Gruber, Darth Vader. Food for thought.
– I think it might be worthwhile adding the ultimate goal of the antagonist. Why does he want to assassinate the Queen?
Hope this helps in some way.
See lessA space detective loses touch between fantasy and reality when she finds herself in a dystopian city to destroy and capture cyborg hunters who robbed a plane.
There's a disconnect between "loses touch between fantasy and reality" and her goal of "to destroy and capture cyborg hunters who robbed a plane". There needs to be some sort of relationship between the two for this to make any sense. Is she there to destroy them or capture them? Can't do both! I thRead more
There’s a disconnect between “loses touch between fantasy and reality” and her goal of “to destroy and capture cyborg hunters who robbed a plane”. There needs to be some sort of relationship between the two for this to make any sense.
Is she there to destroy them or capture them? Can’t do both! I thought they were cyborg hunters too… why are they robbing a plane?
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