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In a bid to reduce population, the dead are allowed to live again virtually, and when it becomes illegal for living people to post their opinion online, billions commit suicide while others risk their lives.
As the previous commenters have said, you have only set up the world. With more consideration for word real estate, this could be phrased as: "In a world where an online afterlife has made suicide enticing for billions..." Then, you are missing all 3 elements of the formula: EVENT, CHARACTER, and ACRead more
As the previous commenters have said, you have only set up the world. With more consideration for word real estate, this could be phrased as:
“In a world where an online afterlife has made suicide enticing for billions…”
Then, you are missing all 3 elements of the formula: EVENT, CHARACTER, and ACTION.
Re the world, you may want to check the graphic novel Elysium Online by the Greek comic artist Ilias Kyriazis: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/18753600-elysium-online#
See lessA NASA space drone pilot discovers a mysterious wormhole in space that could lead to preventing the deaths of his family three years previously.
Richiev:When he discovers a wormhole in space that could prevent the deaths of his family three years prior, a NASA drone pilot must? (Then tell us what he does about it)I agree with Richiev. You miss the 3rd element of the logline, the ACTION (see the formula, here).CHARACTER: a NASA drone pilot.EVRead more
Richiev:
I agree with Richiev. You miss the 3rd element of the logline, the ACTION (see the formula, here).
CHARACTER: a NASA drone pilot.
EVENT: He discovers a wormhole.
ACTION: He has to send the drone into the hole.
Wait, what? Why is he a drone pilot? Major McConaughey must get his own ass in the hole. Otherwise what is the big deal about this movie’s action?
See lessAn alchemist loses faith in humanity and roams Earth while she breaks her people’s code, manipulating the atoms of sentient beings to interact with friends, torment others, and fight an evil of her own design.
What is the inciting incident that causes the alchemist to lose faith in humanity? If the evil is her own design, why must she fight against it? Does she decide for some reason to save humanity from an evil she created? Check out the Formula and the Generator? links at the top of the page to see whaRead more
What is the inciting incident that causes the alchemist to lose faith in humanity? If the evil is her own design, why must she fight against it? Does she decide for some reason to save humanity from an evil she created?
Check out the Formula and the Generator? links at the top of the page to see what information should be in a logline.
See less