Willymelvin22:

Since you?ve posted 3 iterations of the concept, I?m guessing it?s one near and dear to your heart,? one you have a lot of passion for.? So, for what my advice isn?t worth (not even 2 cents), here?s my take:

First of all, you can drop ?in an anthropomorphic world? because that?s obvious from the premise.

What isn?t obvious is what ?hypersports? entails.? Is this an Olympic-like competition? where? animals (mostly) compete in individual sports?? Or is it a singular team sport?? Since I gather you intend to use it as an allegory for humans working together despite their differences, I nominate the latter as the best dramatization of that idea.

Whatever,? a frequent defect Blake Snyder ( of ?Save the Cat? fame)? detected in loglines? was that their tendency to ?hide the game ball ?.? The logline didn?t disclose the object or objective that everyone is fighting over.? In your loglines for this concept, you go one step further and hide the game!

So what is the game?

Now about casting the lion as the protagonist.? IMHO:? too obvious, too easy.? And the character seems? to come off as a knock-off of the? Disney?s ?Lion King? character.? (You do realize that your protagonist lion will inevitably be compared in the minds of logline readers to the Disney character?)? ?So, what really differentiates that story from yours in terms of the characterization of the protagonist?

Further, I don?t view the fact that he?s living in the shadow of his father as an effective inducement of audience sympathy.? ?So what?? He?s still belongs to the alpha-species, the king of the animals.? He?s heir to the title.

And I would point out that audiences are more likely to emotional engage and root for teams that are? underdogs, all losers, outcasts, misfits, social rejects from top to bottom.? So I?suggest that a more effective dramatic strategy would be to cast the protagonist as a loser from an outcast species, one that don?t get no respect, nowhere, no how from no one.? Like a warthog.? Or a baboon.?

That would create a? good complication, more dramatic tension to reaching the objective goal,? The protagonist has an ongoing struggle to win the respect of the team, to get them to unify behind his leadership.?

Or if you must have a carnivore as team captain, may I suggest for your consideration a spotted hyena.? ?Looks ugly, sounds awful, ignoble and inglorious in every way. The trailer park trash of the African savanna. (Can you imagine the visage of a hyena? instead of a lion, a screech instead of a roar in the MGM logo?? Or a pair of majestic marble hyenas presiding over the entrance to the fabled New York Public library on 42nd Street??Of course not.)

But here?s the twist, the spotted hyena is a matriarchal species.? The female is the alpha sex; females rule; males are only needed for reproduction.? IOW:? this would be an opportunity to create a strong female protagonist.? You say you want a story that celebrates diversity.? Well,? where do? females fit into your menagerie? What pivotal roles do they have?? What is there in this story to attract half the people in the world, half the viewing audience who aren?t guys?

fwiw

>>> could be about 85 words.

???
FWIW: I?ve never read a logline longer than 40 words. And I?ve studied over a 1,000.? A long logline defeats the whole purpose of a logline, which is to succinctly state what the script is about to busy, multi-tasking movie makers suffering from industry induced ADD, attention deficit disorder.? Their attention span is measured in seconds, not minutes.