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When a modest, hard-working father discovers his daughter is dying, he approaches his corrupt uncle to help him find money for her treatments.
Agreed with DPG. Also, a good premise will require less adjectives in the logline. It's through the MC's actions that the reader should be able to tell that they are a good guy or gal. What would be better to describe is the MC's character flaw, what is it he has to overcome during the story? LastlyRead more
Agreed with DPG.
Also, a good premise will require less adjectives in the logline. It’s through the MC’s actions that the reader should be able to tell that they are a good guy or gal. What would be better to describe is the MC’s character flaw, what is it he has to overcome during the story?
Lastly, best to describe the inciting incident as an event and sooner for example:
See lessAfter his daughter is diagnosed with terminal cancer a [good description] father must…
When an aspiring young rap artist, her Zoologist father, and a couple of Japanese tourists are stranded on a remote mountain by a sudden wildfire, they must escape the expanding inferno whilest avoiding a giant mountain lion
What?makes this particular mountain lion so dangerous? A] Normally, mountain lions don't attack people. ?B] Isn't the lion also scared by and fleeing the fire?
What?makes this particular mountain lion so dangerous? A] Normally, mountain lions don’t attack people. ?B] Isn’t the lion also scared by and fleeing the fire?
See lessWhen her father is assassinated, a sheltered princess searches the land to learn magical arts from her exiled mother to take revenge and save her people
The blind?daughter of a sorceress queen must search far and wide for her banished mother to learn from her?the magical arts- her only? chance for revenge?against the mighty?Evil One who brutally assassinated her father - The King.
The blind?daughter of a sorceress queen must search far and wide for her banished mother to learn from her?the magical arts- her only? chance for revenge?against the mighty?Evil One who brutally assassinated her father – The King.
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