1. Posted: September 6, 2025In:

    Fifteen years after fleeing a botched robbery, a reformed Marine returns home to find his wife and son kidnapped by the crew he betrayed—forcing him into a brutal race against time to save his family and finish a war he thought was over.

    varnan Penpusher

    great emphasis on the backstory in the logline. interesting indeed, our protagonist is not just any guy or a husband, he is a man with some serious past, and he is a marine. fleeing the scene, then joined the forces to train himself, it is interesting to see what motivated him to join the marine forRead more

    great emphasis on the backstory in the logline. interesting indeed, our protagonist is not just any guy or a husband, he is a man with some serious past, and he is a marine. fleeing the scene, then joined the forces to train himself, it is interesting to see what motivated him to join the marine force. Now the past has comeback to haunt him, it would be crazy if you can increase the stakes by adding time he has to save them in the logline.

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  2. Posted: July 11, 2025In:

    The world must unite when everyone realises that there are no longer people in the governments.Instead an AI is pulling the strings in silence.

    bleurose51 Penpusher

    This seems just a little TOO brief, not providing much in the way of how the story is supposed to go. What part of the world? The WHOLE world? Just one protagonist? A group of people? An "AI" is pulling the strings? What strings? What key event happens that makes this known to people? Sorry, it justRead more

    This seems just a little TOO brief, not providing much in the way of how the story is supposed to go. What part of the world? The WHOLE world? Just one protagonist? A group of people? An “AI” is pulling the strings? What strings? What key event happens that makes this known to people? Sorry, it just feels way too incomplete or inspecific for a decent logline.

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  3. Posted: January 7, 2025In:

    An incisive detective imprisons a man who is murdered in prison while innocent, so he resigns out of remorse to free unjustly incarcerated people in defiance of the system he once defended.

    miraglia1983 Penpusher

    I would trim it a bit, perhaps something like this: An incisive detective imprisons an innocent man who is murdered in prison, resigns in order to free unjustly incarcerated people defying the system he once defended. When an incisive detective resigns for imprisoning an innocent man who is murderedRead more

    I would trim it a bit, perhaps something like this:
    An incisive detective imprisons an innocent man who is murdered in prison, resigns in order to free unjustly incarcerated people defying the system he once defended.
    When an incisive detective resigns for imprisoning an innocent man who is murdered in prison, he defies the system he once defended by freeing unjustly incarcerated people.
    When a remorseful detective resigns for imprisoning an innocent man who is murdered in prison, he defies the system he once defended by freeing unjustly incarcerated prisoners.
    I hope this helps.

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