1. Posted: July 11, 2025In:

    The world must unite when everyone realises that there are no longer people in the governments.Instead an AI is pulling the strings in silence.

    bleurose51 Penpusher

    This seems just a little TOO brief, not providing much in the way of how the story is supposed to go. What part of the world? The WHOLE world? Just one protagonist? A group of people? An "AI" is pulling the strings? What strings? What key event happens that makes this known to people? Sorry, it justRead more

    This seems just a little TOO brief, not providing much in the way of how the story is supposed to go. What part of the world? The WHOLE world? Just one protagonist? A group of people? An “AI” is pulling the strings? What strings? What key event happens that makes this known to people? Sorry, it just feels way too incomplete or inspecific for a decent logline.

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  2. Posted: January 7, 2025In:

    An incisive detective imprisons a man who is murdered in prison while innocent, so he resigns out of remorse to free unjustly incarcerated people in defiance of the system he once defended.

    miraglia1983 Penpusher

    I would trim it a bit, perhaps something like this: An incisive detective imprisons an innocent man who is murdered in prison, resigns in order to free unjustly incarcerated people defying the system he once defended. When an incisive detective resigns for imprisoning an innocent man who is murderedRead more

    I would trim it a bit, perhaps something like this:
    An incisive detective imprisons an innocent man who is murdered in prison, resigns in order to free unjustly incarcerated people defying the system he once defended.
    When an incisive detective resigns for imprisoning an innocent man who is murdered in prison, he defies the system he once defended by freeing unjustly incarcerated people.
    When a remorseful detective resigns for imprisoning an innocent man who is murdered in prison, he defies the system he once defended by freeing unjustly incarcerated prisoners.
    I hope this helps.

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  3. Posted: December 27, 2024In:

    When he escapes from a woman who wants to keep him, a runaway boy must decide what to do with his abusive father when he discovers that he survived the first attempt to kill him.

    philasify Logliner

    Sounds intriguing but I think the logline could use some work so it matches your additional story premise shared. Maybe something like "After running away from home following shooting his abusive father to save his mother, a preteen boy escapes domestic captivity and returns home to discover his fatRead more

    Sounds intriguing but I think the logline could use some work so it matches your additional story premise shared.

    Maybe something like “After running away from home following shooting his abusive father to save his mother, a preteen boy escapes domestic captivity and returns home to discover his father is still alive and his mother is not.”

    I dunno. That’s my stab at it. I feel like the story needs a little more drama element to make it more enticing.

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