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An incisive detective imprisons a man who is murdered in prison while innocent, so he resigns out of remorse to free unjustly incarcerated people in defiance of the system he once defended.
I would trim it a bit, perhaps something like this: An incisive detective imprisons an innocent man who is murdered in prison, resigns in order to free unjustly incarcerated people defying the system he once defended. When an incisive detective resigns for imprisoning an innocent man who is murderedRead more
I would trim it a bit, perhaps something like this:
See lessAn incisive detective imprisons an innocent man who is murdered in prison, resigns in order to free unjustly incarcerated people defying the system he once defended.
When an incisive detective resigns for imprisoning an innocent man who is murdered in prison, he defies the system he once defended by freeing unjustly incarcerated people.
When a remorseful detective resigns for imprisoning an innocent man who is murdered in prison, he defies the system he once defended by freeing unjustly incarcerated prisoners.
I hope this helps.
When he escapes from a woman who wants to keep him, a runaway boy must decide what to do with his abusive father when he discovers that he survived the first attempt to kill him.
Sounds intriguing but I think the logline could use some work so it matches your additional story premise shared. Maybe something like "After running away from home following shooting his abusive father to save his mother, a preteen boy escapes domestic captivity and returns home to discover his fatRead more
Sounds intriguing but I think the logline could use some work so it matches your additional story premise shared.
Maybe something like “After running away from home following shooting his abusive father to save his mother, a preteen boy escapes domestic captivity and returns home to discover his father is still alive and his mother is not.”
I dunno. That’s my stab at it. I feel like the story needs a little more drama element to make it more enticing.
See lessAs his daughter’s disappearance casts a haunting shadow over a family gathering, a repugnant father is thrust into a heart-pounding quest for redemption, grappling with suspicion aimed at his new son-in-law and uncovering chilling truths that could shatter their fragile bonds
I see the father as the protagonist on a quest for redemption. He is held back by suspicion of his new son-in-law and chilling truths. "shatter their fragile bonds" is a bit unclear. Do you mean the bond between the father and son-in-law? How is he seeking redemption, and from what? In general thereRead more
I see the father as the protagonist on a quest for redemption. He is held back by suspicion of his new son-in-law and chilling truths.
See less“shatter their fragile bonds” is a bit unclear. Do you mean the bond between the father and son-in-law?
How is he seeking redemption, and from what?
In general there’s a lot going on here. I would try to narrow the focus to one central conflict with a clear protagonist and antagonist. It seems that the stakes consist of fragile bonds. But I assume that losing his daughter is forefront in his mind. Does he suspect the son-in-law is involved? If so, I doubt he’d care about being friends with him.
In what way is the father “repugnant”?
I’m pretty sure I’m not seeing what you’re really writing about.