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A college student is left to pick up the pieces when his friend and roommate commits suicide, but when it’s discovered that he was hiding a secret past, he begins investigating. only to discover a dark secret about one of his professors that leads him to believe that it wasn’t suicide.
Agreed with DPG and Moses99.Also you use too many vague descriptions; "...pick up the pieces?", "...a secret past?", "...a dark secret?". These mean nothing in a logline, mostly because they could mean anything - a lack of specificity works against a logline, and will likely induce confusion over inRead more
Agreed with DPG and Moses99.
Also you use too many vague descriptions; “…pick up the pieces?”, “…a secret past?”, “…a dark secret?”. These mean nothing in a logline, mostly because they could mean anything – a lack of specificity works against a logline, and will likely induce confusion over intrigue.
Tell the reader what the story is, don’t leave it up to them to invent the story for you as they read. It’s the combination of a specific event and a character’s choice of action to that event that creates drama, not adjectives and certainly not vague ones.
See lessWhen the soul of Al Capone takes over a small Indiana town, an outcast teenager must team up with his bully to find a way to return Capone to his ethereal prison.
I realize a logline can't answer the questions I've have asked. Nor should it. ??Ideally, a logline ?should sell the plot, ?not raise questions about the credibility of the underlying premises. But this one does raise questions about the credibility of the underlying premises. Why is it up to the teRead more
I realize a logline can’t answer the questions I’ve have asked. Nor should it. ??Ideally, a logline ?should sell the plot, ?not raise questions about the credibility of the underlying premises.
But this one does raise questions about the credibility of the underlying premises.
Why is it up to the teen to lock him back up? ?Why can’t god or the devil do their job?
See lessIf spiritual entities far more potent than a mortal teen couldn’t keep Capone in the celestial cooler, what mojo does the teen have to succeed where god and satan have failed?
When his teenage son is murdered, a detective hesitated to bring the presumed killer to justice, after learning about their secret love affair.
What the ?others have said.Particularly FFF. ?Loglines are descriptions of plots and plots are not about a choice that has to be made or hesitating making a choice. ?Loglines are about what happens after a choice is made.
What the ?others have said.
Particularly FFF. ?Loglines are descriptions of plots and plots are not about a choice that has to be made or hesitating making a choice. ?Loglines are about what happens after a choice is made.
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