1. Posted: May 11, 2016In:

    A writer finds a journal and decides to use its contents for his next novel not knowing it contains hidden plans to murder a future country leader.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    It sounds as if the publication is the inciting incident, finding a journal seems almost redundant in the logline. Perhaps best to change the logline to reflect this: After accidentally publishing real assassination plans in his novel, a writer must... As FFF and DPG said, what ever he does thereaftRead more

    It sounds as if the publication is the inciting incident, finding a journal seems almost redundant in the logline.

    Perhaps best to change the logline to reflect this:

    After accidentally publishing real assassination plans in his novel, a writer must…

    As FFF and DPG said, what ever he does thereafter will be the plot, so best to specify this in the logline.

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  2. Posted: May 8, 2016In:

    A brilliant software designer, who is the estranged son of a female-led mafia family, returns to his violent roots to find the true reason why women are dying while using his newest program.

    dpg Singularity

    The hook of the story for me is a female led mafia. ? The other elements seem to lack clarity.What is the "latest program" that women seem to be dying of? ?And are the deceased just mob women, or all women? ?And what are the stakes for him? ?Other than curiosity, what does he need to know? ? What'sRead more

    The hook of the story for me is a female led mafia. ? The other elements seem to lack clarity.

    What is the “latest program” that women seem to be dying of? ?And are the deceased just mob women, or all women? ?And what are the stakes for him? ?Other than curiosity, what does he need to know? ? What’s the most he stands to loose, the worst thing that can happen to him if he fails to solve the mystery?

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  3. Posted: May 9, 2016In:

    Using a mysterious equation to predict how and when he’ll die, a wealthy businessman must kill a corrupt government official to prevent his untimely demise, but when things go awry he starts to question if he is preventing or creating his fate.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    I suggest you might want to clarify the theme you want to explore and hopefully that will bring the logline into focus. ?As it currently stands, I am unable to get a handle on either. (Which is complicated by the fact that I had a day job requiring extensive knowledge and intensive use of statisticsRead more

    I suggest you might want to clarify the theme you want to explore and hopefully that will bring the logline into focus. ?As it currently stands, I am unable to get a handle on either. (Which is complicated by the fact that I had a day job requiring extensive knowledge and intensive use of statistics, so I find it hard to suspend disbelief.)

    This seems to be a clone of the sub-genre of stories about futures foretold through story props like astrology charts, tarot cards, crystal balls, etc. ?The prop may be different but premise seems to be the same. ?Other than the prop, what does this story bring to the sub-genre that hasn’t been done before?

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