1. Posted: May 10, 2021In:

    A bipolar mayoress must confront her own fears and demons to prove her innocence when the body of the mayor turns up dead along a baron riverbank with her fingerprints on the murder weapon.

    Jay_Bird Penpusher

    I personally LOVE films that make you question the protagonists sanity so this sounds great! I think you could remove "body of the mayor turns up dead along a baron shore" it's redundant and the specifics of the scenery aren't important. I would also suggest adding something that strongly indicatesRead more

    I personally LOVE films that make you question the protagonists sanity so this sounds great! I think you could remove “body of the mayor turns up dead along a baron shore” it’s redundant and the specifics of the scenery aren’t important. I would also suggest adding something that strongly indicates she could be framed but she could be “crazy” and actually did it.

    Example:
    When a bipolar Mayoress is accused of murdering her husband, she must confront her darkest nightmares in order to prove her innocence to the police, the public, and most of all to herself.

    I hope this is helpful 🙂

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  2. Posted: May 8, 2021In:

    An ex-junky survives a plane crash before losing his company to the FEDS, but to stop the tailspin, he’ll sacrifice his life for his family’s future.

    Jay_Bird Penpusher

    The events leading up to the catalyst are super interesting but the Goal/Action is very vague. What does "sacrifice his life" mean? Is he taking on the federal government to get his company back? Is he joining the mafia to get money for his family? Is he performing seppuku to save his families honorRead more

    The events leading up to the catalyst are super interesting but the Goal/Action is very vague. What does “sacrifice his life” mean? Is he taking on the federal government to get his company back? Is he joining the mafia to get money for his family? Is he performing seppuku to save his families honor? Try focusing less on the catalyst events and more on his goal and why it’s important for his family’s future.

    Example:
    After a series of tragic events, a recovering addict and loyal father must take on rogue federal agents to uncover a conspiracy that threatens the happiness and safety of his family.

    I hope this is helpful! 😀

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  3. Posted: May 4, 2021In:

    After losing her best friend in an abandoned building, a girl will have to find a way out before an old man forces her to face her greatest fear.

    Best Answer
    Odie Samurai

    Consider the following to strengthen your logline: 1. Why were they in this build? E.g., Urban explorers shooting their latest abandoned vid. 2. What’s the psychology of your protag? E.g., Claustrophobic, afraid of the dark, reckless? 3. Who is this old man? A “get off of my lawn” derelict? 4. WhatRead more

    Consider the following to strengthen your logline:
    1. Why were they in this build? E.g., Urban explorers shooting their latest abandoned vid.
    2. What’s the psychology of your protag? E.g., Claustrophobic, afraid of the dark, reckless?
    3. Who is this old man? A “get off of my lawn” derelict?
    4. What does “forces her to face her greatest fear” look like?

    Take care.

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