1. Posted: February 18, 2020In:

    When passengers on a plane get murdered one by one, the crew must find the killer among them before there is only one left. [Title: Passengers, this isn’t your Captain speaking].

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    I'm dubious about the title.? Ever since 911, airline cockpits have been locked down.And I'm guessing it's an international flight over, say, the Pacific.? So the airline can't immediately touch down after the 1st murder-- which would be the SOP. So I suggest the logline indicate that.Given that theRead more

    I’m dubious about the title.? Ever since 911, airline cockpits have been locked down.

    And I’m guessing it’s an international flight over, say, the Pacific.? So the airline can’t immediately touch down after the 1st murder– which would be the SOP. So I suggest the logline indicate that.

    Given that there’s so little privacy on the plane, it’s a stretch to believe that one person after another can be killed– and there are no witnesses.? That the crew are too stupid to take elementary precautions to prevent it from happening again… and again.? But I assume you’ve got that all figured out, a credible modus operandi.

    ?

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  2. Posted: February 18, 2020In:

    When a cavernous sinkhole opens up in a bustling city, a claustrophobic geologist leads a team of experts down to investigate, but when the sinkhole collapses, they find themselves trapped underground? and they?re not alone.

    Trix Samurai

    I like your premise - also the idea of changing genre and story part way through is really intriguing. ?Do you also change main character? ?Personally I love it when a hero bites the dust and another person steps in LOL. ?My thoughts are: As you're aiming to flip the story part way through - do youRead more

    I like your premise – also the idea of changing genre and story part way through is really intriguing. ?Do you also change main character? ?Personally I love it when a hero bites the dust and another person steps in LOL. ?My thoughts are:

    • As you’re aiming to flip the story part way through – do you need two inciting incidents? ?One for the first half – save the skyscraper… and one for the second half – get out alive…
    • When the sink hole actually collapses, you’d need to make sure that what was threatened in the first half (e.g. the skyscraper) either doesn’t actually collapse, or it is that which collapses and traps them underground?
    • “and they’re not alone” is a bit vague – it could mean many things… other people, another city, dinosaurs! I like the something wants them dead route.
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  3. Posted: February 13, 2020In:

    Susan visits her new therapist and talks about events that have happened to her family. Meanwhile, the devil is gathering her ladies of fate to prepare to take over the world.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    We don't need names in a logline. It adds no value. It's better to tell us something about Susan instead. Imagine you had a maximum of 3 words to tell somebody as much about yourself as possible. Would you waste one on your name? What has Susan visited her therapist got to do with the devil taking oRead more

    We don’t need names in a logline. It adds no value. It’s better to tell us something about Susan instead. Imagine you had a maximum of 3 words to tell somebody as much about yourself as possible. Would you waste one on your name?

    What has Susan visited her therapist got to do with the devil taking over the world?? There is no connection and there very much needs to be.

    Check out the formula to help with formatting.

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