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After aiding the misjudged conviction to those responsible for his families death, an undisputed private investigator has one week to prove their innocence, to save his kidnapped adopted daughter’s life
I would start the longline with the character, so 'When a (adjective) private detective...' etc as it makes him seem more active in the story. I wasn't sure from the longline if he'd aided a conviction for the murders, then realised the conviction was false?
I would start the longline with the character, so ‘When a (adjective) private detective…’ etc as it makes him seem more active in the story. I wasn’t sure from the longline if he’d aided a conviction for the murders, then realised the conviction was false?
See lessAfter the misjudged conviction to those responsible for his families death, an undisputed private investigator has 1week to prove their innocence, or his kidnapped recently adopted daughter dies.
How will overturning the wrongful conviction save his adopted daughter's life? Just curious. Because it sounds as if what sets the story in motion is when his daughter is kidnapped since the goal of the story is to save her.
How will overturning the wrongful conviction save his adopted daughter’s life? Just curious.
Because it sounds as if what sets the story in motion is when his daughter is kidnapped since the goal of the story is to save her.
See lessA discredited private investigator has a chance at redemption after the missing dead body of his enemies child who happens to be his former boss.
The sentence is a bit complicated and incomplete, missing a verb,? so I'm not sure what the story is about.? I'm guessing what you meant to say was something like "after the body of his enemy's child is found..." -- that is the inciting incident. In any event, what are the stakes?? He's already on tRead more
The sentence is a bit complicated and incomplete, missing a verb,? so I’m not sure what the story is about.? I’m guessing what you meant to say was something like “after the body of his enemy’s child is found…” — that is the inciting incident.
In any event, what are the stakes?? He’s already on the outs with his former boss.? What more does he stand to lose if he doesn’t solve the murder?? ?Is the ex-boss out to kill him?? And what does he stand to gain by solving the murder?? In other words, what does redemption mean concretely?? Does he get his job back?? Does he regain favor with his former boss?? Is his life no longer in mortal danger?
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