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During a neighborhood bicycle race a boy must survive the increasing signs of violent, psychopathic behavior of his younger brother.
Protagonist: Boy Antagonist: younger brother Stakes: The Boy's life / Survival Story Goal: ? I think that your premise has emotional potential, but currently it feels like the emotion is missing (in the logline). I am sure that as a screenwriter you have this story mapped out in your head as to theRead more
Protagonist: Boy
Antagonist: younger brother
Stakes: The Boy’s life / Survival
Story Goal: ?
I think that your premise has emotional potential, but currently it feels like the emotion is missing (in the logline). I am sure that as a screenwriter you have this story mapped out in your head as to the emotional predicament of a delusional and dangerous family member. But, in your current logline, it’s emotionless. Possibly something regarding the race could be used to describe the younger brother which would give us an incite into the emotional conflict. “violently jealous” “selfishly psychotic” something in relation to the event of the race like this could be used. Just food for thought, would love a response with a link to the short film when it is made!
See lessWhen a clinical study to create a vaccination that lowers heart attack risks accidentally creates a novel deadly flu variant, a medical missionary is forced to team up with the virus’s creators to stop a potential global pandemic that could kill millions. The missionary nun and her spy companions are forced to rely on a brutal Russian biocontainment unit if they are to escape from the Caribbean island’s deranged dictator and find a cure to prevent a global disaster.
This is so interesting! You clearly have a clear understanding of the story you want to write, but less might be more. Cutting down some details about the virus itself could leave more room to talk about the other things. Also removing passive language raised the stakes and hook more people! An examRead more
This is so interesting! You clearly have a clear understanding of the story you want to write, but less might be more. Cutting down some details about the virus itself could leave more room to talk about the other things. Also removing passive language raised the stakes and hook more people! An example using just what you’ve written:
When a clinical study accidentally creates a deadly flu variant, a medical missionary is forced to team up with the virus’ creators to stop a global pandemic. The missionary nun and her spy companions are forced to rely on a brutal Russian bio containment unit if they are to escape from the Caribbean island’s deranged dictator and find a cure to prevent a global disaster.
See lessA housebound vigilante predator catcher has 24 hours to rescue an abducted child before she’s murdered using only the internet and his cell phone.
I like the short length. But something is missing to catch my attention. We must think this is an impossible mission. And with a vigilante predator catcher, the internet and his cell phone…. Well, it doesn’t seem very impossible. What if you change the main character to be a suburban housewife. Or aRead more
I like the short length. But something is missing to catch my attention.
See lessWe must think this is an impossible mission.
And with a vigilante predator catcher, the internet and his cell phone…. Well, it doesn’t seem very impossible.
What if you change the main character to be a suburban housewife.
Or a teenage nerd.
Or a violent boxer who can’t use his physical strength to solve the problem this time…
😉