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Three genetically engineered soldiers must face discrimination as they struggle to find the kidnapped members of their squad.
Agreed with all the above comments.I'll add that you'd be better served if the logline would start with a clear description of the inciting incident as the base for the dramatic need. For example: After a member of their squadron was kidnapped, three genetically engineered soldiers must find their mRead more
Agreed with all the above comments.
I’ll add that you’d be better served if the logline would start with a clear description of the inciting incident as the base for the dramatic need. For example:
After a member of their squadron was kidnapped, three genetically engineered soldiers must find their missing brother if they are to save his life.
It still isn’t clear what their actions are going to be, must they find the fourth soldier behind enemy lines? Or in secret government labs?
See lessA French village and pacifist priest must work with a bloodthirsty resistance group to fight invading Nazi’s and save 5000 Jews from extermination using only their Protestant values, an amateur forger and a one-legged female spy. *True Holocaust Story*
There is a saying with a logline "Sell don't Tell". If you remove "using" onwards you have a pretty good logline. You are selling a story that would make a read want to read more. You have mystery without confusion. I would remove pacifist from in front of priest as they all take a vow to do no harmRead more
There is a saying with a logline “Sell don’t Tell”.
If you remove “using” onwards you have a pretty good logline. You are selling a story that would make a read want to read more. You have mystery without confusion.
I would remove pacifist from in front of priest as they all take a vow to do no harm. I think it is s but like saying a wet fish. But it’s your call.
See lessA young soldier remembers the horrors of her past, as her world is ripped apart by PTSD.
It should have an aim. PTSD is sort of the memory of the horrors of the past.
It should have an aim. PTSD is sort of the memory of the horrors of the past.
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