1. Posted: February 10, 2020In:

    A Bounty Hunter in search for a wanted man, finds more than he bargained for.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    Put yourself in a producer?s shoes. Is this story $500 or $5,000,000. I know everyone has said this. You have a bounty hunter and nothing else in the logline.

    Put yourself in a producer?s shoes. Is this story $500 or $5,000,000.

    I know everyone has said this. You have a bounty hunter and nothing else in the logline.

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  2. Posted: February 10, 2020In:

    Set against the Sierra Nevada foothills of the Gold Rush era where newly dominant white settlers rule, a young Mexican woman discovers she comes from a line of rebels led by folk-hero outlaw Joaquin Murieta. Nurtured by a cross-dressing Chinese madam and fueled by the unfair murder of her family, she recruits a wild bunch of female warriors to plot one of the most audacious rebellions the new state of California has ever seen.

    dpg Singularity

    Question 1:? Have the recruits likewise suffered the loss of family members??? IOW: what's their motivation?? What drives them to violence, to such extreme measures?? What is their personal stake??The various iterations of "Robin Hood" come to mind.? Robin is able to rally the peasants to fight theRead more

    Question 1:? Have the recruits likewise suffered the loss of family members??? IOW: what’s their motivation?? What drives them to violence, to such extreme measures?? What is their personal stake??

    The various iterations of “Robin Hood” come to mind.? Robin is able to rally the peasants to fight the barons (personified by the nefarious sheriff of Nottingham) because they have suffered injustices like he has.? They aren’t going to join him just because he can make a fiery speech, or because he’s handsome and radiates personal magnetism.? They are only going to risk their lives because they have skin in the game.?

    Question 2: “begins the most audacious rebellion…”? Well, other than avenging the murder of her family, what does that specifically entail?? Lead a retrocession movement to return California to Mexico?? Fight for independence from both the U.S. and Mexico?? Become bandidas stealing gold from the prospectors?

    I can visualize a number of dramatic possibilities here — and that’s good.? A logline is working when it fires up the imagination of readers.? But I suggest the story hook needs to be further baited with a little more specific detail.

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  3. Posted: August 3, 2019In: ,

    In 1892, an army captain is ordered to escort his erstwhile enemy, a dying Cheyenne chief, through hostile territory so he can be buried in his tribal lands.

    dpg Singularity

    Good questions and points.The army captain has no particular character flaw that jeopardizes the success of his mission.? He's a competent fighter and leader. The proof is that he just led a successful campaign to defeat the Cheyenne chief. A war in which atrocities were committed on both sides.So wRead more

    Good questions and points.

    The army captain has no particular character flaw that jeopardizes the success of his mission.? He’s a competent fighter and leader. The proof is that he just led a successful campaign to defeat the Cheyenne chief. A war in which atrocities were committed on both sides.

    So when he’s ordered to reverse roles and protect rather than fight his erstwhile foe, he initially refuses to obey. ? But he’s on the verge of retiring; if he doesn’t obey, he’ll be expelled and won’t get his pension.? So he salutes and saddles up.

    The reason the captain must escort the Cheyenne chief is because the journey home for the Cheyenne is through hostile Comanche tribal lands. Hostile for both the captain and the chief;? the Cheyenne and Comanche are enemies.

    So maybe something like:

    In 1892, an army captain reluctantly obeys his orders to escort his erstwhile bitter enemy, a dying Cheyenne chief, through hostile territory so he can be buried in his tribal lands.? (31 words)

    Not the strongest logline with irresistible sizzle, I grant? you.? But the writer had the advantage of already being an industry insider with a proven track record as a writer and director. He wasn’t an outsider who had to deploy a logline to cross the castle moat, breach the gates, overcome the guards to get inside the Biz, get his script read — and produced.? He could promote the script through his agent and his industry network.

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