When the memories of his deceased family are stolen by a corrupt government official, a former extractor must obtain material from a highly secure cloud service for human memory to have them restored.
KnightriderMentor
When the memories of his deceased family are stolen by a corrupt government official, a former extractor must obtain material from a highly secure cloud service for human memory to have them restored.
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“A broke data smuggler is hired to steal intel from The Archive, a virtual reality cloud service that allows people to backup their memories, but when he is betrayed by the government agency that hired him, he?ll use the information he stole to bring them down.”
The inciting incident is when he is betrayed. The first part is all just setup. So how exactly is he betrayed?
Example:?When a data smuggler is falsely accused of treason by the corrupt government agency he works for, he must use stolen information to bring them down. (26)
I didn’t include the memory part, but if you can find a way to make it fit then that is an interesting thing to include.?
Pretty good, Dkpough1
I would amp up his motivation by making the inciting incident and motivation for revenge a matter of life and death. ?So:
When a data smuggler is nearly murdered?by the corrupt government agency he works for, he uses stolen information to bring them down.
(23 words)
Actually now that I think about it, the fact that he stole the information makes it seem like the government agency is in the right for going after him. So does he steal the information in response to the betrayal? Because if he steals the information first, then, well, they have a credible reason to go after him.
Dpg’s version is good, but I would like to know what you actually had in mind. What specific action is taken that betrays the protagonist. Do they ‘burn’ him(bringing back fond memories of Burn Notice), attempted murder, murder a loved one, and why? What is the agency’s goal? And how does the memory backup connect to the plot, making it integral?
In my opinion the inciting incident is the stealing of the memories of his daughter and wife. I like this, it’s a clever variation from ‘kidnapped wife/daughter’. This is what push it to action: a classic (but original) blackmail. And this give him room to change, like forget about his memories and do something good for the world (adn/or for himself, like moving on).
Then the story get confused… I think the main character is supposed to perform a hacking for the bad guys but at the end he will act for himself and beat the bad guys.
I like the concept, I suggest you to write a 4 pages and then go back to rework the logline.
“After the memories of his wife and child are stolen by a power hungry government official, a washed up data smuggler must steal information from The Archive, a high security virtual reality cloud service used to backup and store memories too risky to store in the human mind, in order to get them back.”
This version is better. Here’s my new one:
Example:?After his family’s memories are stolen by an ambitious government official, a data smuggler must hack into?a high security memory storage cloud to get them back.(29)
What information does he have to steal? Wouldn’t he just be stealing back the memories? There may be a complication, such as they’re being held somewhere else, but the first plan of action would be to go the Archive and simply steal them back, correct? If not then it should be made clear what this other information has to do with retrieving the memories.