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GStarLogliner
Posted: July 17, 20162016-07-17T10:05:46+10:00 2016-07-17T10:05:46+10:00In: SciFi

10yr old Ava likes to play with robots, but when a terrorist attack leaves her town devastated, Ava becomes determined to make her robot protect people and make everyone smile again.

10yr old Ava likes to play with robots, but when a terrorist attack leaves her town devastated, Ava becomes determined to make her robot protect people and make everyone smile again.
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    4 Reviews

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    1. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2016-07-17T19:49:42+10:00Added an answer on July 17, 2016 at 7:49 pm

      Make everyone smile is a bit vague.

      After a terrorist attack a ten year old girl robot enthusiast turns her robots into protectors for her home town.

      Hope this helps, loglines tend not sure to have names in them.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2016-07-18T07:37:16+10:00Added an answer on July 18, 2016 at 7:37 am

      So she gets the robot on 24/7 guard duty. Then what happens? ?Is that all there is to the story? ?Deploying a robot to make people feel secure?

      Or is it to defend the town from the next attack? ?The logline needs to indicate the threat of another attack. ?Otherwise, what’s the suspense, what’s the source of dramatic tension if the attack is just history? ?It seems to me there needs to be an antagonist not just in terms of what happened but also what is going to happen again.

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    3. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2016-07-18T12:57:35+10:00Added an answer on July 18, 2016 at 12:57 pm

      No need for the MC name and age – ‘a young robot enthusiast’ will do.

      No need to describe that the MC becomes ‘determined’, as most good MC’s become determined, it’s implicit. ?What is the main action the girl takes in the film? Becoming determined could be one moment in one scene, but it’s what she does as a result which matters most.

      Lastly agreed with Craig and DPG, she needs a clearer goal.

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    4. [Deleted User]
      2016-07-21T07:08:57+10:00Added an answer on July 21, 2016 at 7:08 am

      A robot obsessed young girl invents a new bot in an attempt to make her town feel safe again after a devastating terrorist attack.

      This has a goal, no character names which can get confusing, and is clear and concise.

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