Banjo and Matlida
jamesmichaelPenpusher
1895 in Central Queensland and, with the country in turmoil, a young city poet and journalist travels to a remote sheep station to track down a political agitator. When the clashes between union shearers and landowners turn to violence, a man is found dead in a billabong. Was it suicide or murder?
Share
Yet another “bushie” story? With a billabong and shades of the Eureka Stockade thrown in for added triteness? Come on! Can’t we do better than this in the 21st century? The elements that are viable here are: Two soft-handed, white-collar, city slickers being drawn into investigating a mysterious death in the bush. Overlay this with mounting tensions and violence between opposed vested interests. To lessen the triteness factor, make these opposed interests more interesting than shearers and landowners. For example, locals who have been in the town for generations versus newcomer miners, prospectors, or railroad men. The logline is boringly stereotypical as it is. But if the key elements, just mentioned, were described more interestingly, this story could work.
Steven Fernandez (Judge)
There are two interesting story ideas here: tracking down a political agitator, and solving a murder mystery. Which the main story? I’d focus on describing only the main one.
Also, who’s the main character, the poet or the journalist? What is his strength, and flaw? Why is tracking down an agitator or solving the murder mystery important to him? Including this will make the reader care more about the outcome.
Opening with “1895 in Central Queensland”? Not sure who this is for, but for the younger crowd: ZZZZ. Perhaps, to draw them in, you should start with the story first, then mention the time and locale at the end. Once they’ve read a solid hook, they won’t care as much.
Sorry, forgot:
Patrockable, Judge
I like the logline, and the only flaw I see is that it is too wordy. I’m not a big fan of two sentence loglines, but I think this could work if it can’t be trimmed to one.
One issue is asking if it was murder or suicide. You’ve given evidence of sorts to possible murder, but no reason to indicate suicide.
“In 19th Century Queensland, during the union shearers and landowners clashes, a naive journalist travels to a remote sheep station and discovers the possible murder of a political agitator found dead in a billabong.”
Geno Scala- judge