300 years ago, the Penitente rose from the ashes of the Pueblo Revolts. Today Diana believes her family’s dark past has caught up to her when the body of a crucified man is found in the desert.
deserthorrorLogliner
300 years ago, the Penitente rose from the ashes of the Pueblo Revolts. Today Diana believes her family’s dark past has caught up to her when the body of a crucified man is found in the desert.
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Hello,
in my opinion,?in a logline everything must be clear… I have no idea about what the Penitente is, nor the ‘pueblo revolts’.
Ans it’s a common ‘rule’ to avoid names (such as ‘Diana’) because they mean nothing so they are a waste of precious words. Have a look on the training page on this very website.
It seems that the two sentences in your logline are completely unrelated. While I don’t know your story, a quick suggestion would be: “After a man has been found crucified in the desert, a(n) (adjective to describe Diana) woman starts to believe that her dark past has caught up to her.” And then possibly somehow insert the first sentence after that to connect it to Diana, since I’m guessing her family dark past has something to do with the Penitente rising. Then make a goal for your character.
As the others said. ?What does it mean that “her family’s dark past has caught up to her”? ? ?That’s vague and ?it’s back story. How does that back story translate into a specific objective goal going forward in the present time of the film narrative? ? Who is the antagonist? ?What’s at stake?
Hard to add any useful notes to the comments above.
I would say that for me the logline is confusing and vague in its descriptions, I needed to read it twice to get an idea of the characters and their actions.