Samurai
Posted: 2019-03-11T03:40:35+10:00 In:

3rd version: When she falls in love with an inspiring woman who sees past her condition, an OCD-afflicted introvert?s latent insecurities threaten her rare romance with worry, frustration and jealousy.

3rd version: When she falls in love with an inspiring woman who sees past her condition, an OCD-afflicted introvert?s latent insecurities threaten her rare romance with worry, frustration and jealousy.
Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    3 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      >> The hook is there.. you have a building issue of a relationship that blossoms online but is hindered in real life by the stutter.

      Right, but the woman online does not know the man has a stutter. That’s the hook, the ultimate and visual conflict, and the drama. The woman in your logline knows about the OCD and sees past it so everything is soft or internal or absent. To apply The Stutterer here would mean, as an example and not trying to make it shine: Falling in love for the first time, a protag with OCD tries every therapy and trick to keep it secret from her (description) girlfriend.

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      As variable pointed out, she needs a goal. Something visual and tangible. You’ve told us what antagonistic forces are working against her but we need to understand what she’s working towards. Worry, frustration and jealousy are things that hinder any new relationship so I think it’s pretty much a given. Give us something new, something that tells us why the audience should be interested in this story in particular.

      I think the inciting incident is also the moment the other woman seems interested in her. I imagine there are countless occasions where we’ve all fallen in love with someone and it’s not been reciprocated but this time is different – to make it rare for her, this woman needs to return that feeling. Also, if they’re in love they’ve already got past the difficult bit – not to say it’s still not scary but you don’t say you love someone unless you’ve accepted them. In my opinion at least.

      Hope this helps.

      • 0
    3. Uberwriter

      What must she do as result? What becomes her goal? How about…
      After falling for a woman who sees past her condition, an obsessive compulsive introvert must work on her insecurities for a shot at true love (25 Words)
      The action “..work on her insecurities..” isn’t visual enough, but something along the lines I guess.

      • 0