A 17 year old punk, with dreams of becoming a professional MMA fighter, comes to terms with his rage, while looking after a deaf blind boy in a rough underclass community.
wimsteytlerLogliner
A 17 year old punk, with dreams of becoming a professional MMA fighter, comes to terms with his rage, while looking after a deaf blind boy in a rough underclass community.
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A seventeen year old punk on the verge of?throwing his life away must prove to his MMA coach? he can handle his rage when he’s forced to look after a pain in the ass deaf blind boy in the rough community of Brownsville NY
Saying he has a dream of becoming… makes it a passive thing. What is his objective goal? to become a fighter? it has to be more active than just a dream. Is he fighting for his dream to come true? Is the blind boy an obstacle to this goal? Maybe ask yourself: What does my protagonist want in the story, what is his objective goal, and what is standing in his way of obtaining that goal?
Agreed with DPG – coming to terms, with anything, is not a plot worthy action, it’s what he does as a result that will make up his action as a hero.
Further more, what is the causal connection between his rage, the boy and becoming an MMA fighter? To that matter, what is his inciting incident? What event motivates him to have to achieve a goal?
The logline frames the protagonist’s story in terms of his subjective need, his character flaw, his need to control his anger. ?But loglines are about ?plots, and a plots are about achieving ?objective goals, not about overcoming character flaws (although it’s ?often implicit that a flaw will have to be overcome to achieve the goal).
So how does “dream of becoming a professional MMA fighter” translate into a specific objective goal? ?What has looking after a deaf, blind boy got to do with either reaching or being deflected from that objective goal?