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leemarelle136Penpusher
Posted: April 22, 20172017-04-22T20:11:41+10:00 2017-04-22T20:11:41+10:00In: Drama

A 20th Century future king with the wisdom of King Solomon and the skills of Bruce Lee must overcome the evils of the royal family.

A 20th Century future king with the wisdom of King Solomon and the skills of Bruce Lee must overcome the evils of the royal family.
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    8 Reviews

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    1. Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-04-22T21:07:18+10:00Added an answer on April 22, 2017 at 9:07 pm

      Interesting,now expand on what the evils may be and why he needs the martial arts skills to overcome them.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2017-04-22T21:59:49+10:00Added an answer on April 22, 2017 at 9:59 pm

      What Foxtrot25 said. ?The generalities need to be fleshed out with specifics.

      Also how can can someone be describe as both “20th Century” and “future” when this is now the 21st century? ?What is 20th Century supposed to mean, anyway?

      And what’s his character flaw? ?Perfect, invincible heroes are ?boring.

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    3. Richiev Singularity
      2017-04-23T03:13:02+10:00Added an answer on April 23, 2017 at 3:13 am

      When a story begins, everything is normal, it may not be normal for you and me but it is the norm for the character.

      For instance a young girl lives in the middle of nowhere Kansas, she doesn’t like it there and wishes she could leave.

      Then something happens; a tornado picks up her house and drops her and her dog Toto in the magical land of OZ

      As a direct result of this event the character must do something, The character will have a goal and a usually must achieve something to accomplish that goal
      for instance, the young girl must get back home (Goal) and in order to achieve that goal she must get to the Wizard
      who lives in the Emerald city.

      When the story concludes the young girl who thought her little town was horrible, now understands there is no place like home.
      There is character growth.

      What you have described in your logline is ‘life as normal’
      What event happens which will cause your character to have a goal?
      Add that and your logline will improve greatly

      Hope that helped.

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    4. Richiev Singularity
      2017-04-23T03:17:24+10:00Added an answer on April 23, 2017 at 3:17 am

      It is important to word a logline so it can only be read one way.

      In your logline you use the term ‘future king’

      If you mean he will one day be a king you should use the term: Crown Prince
      If you mean he is a king who lives in the future you should say: In the future, a King…

      This will help avoid confusion

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    5. aswritten Penpusher
      2017-04-23T05:55:36+10:00Added an answer on April 23, 2017 at 5:55 am

      It seems to be missing an inciting incident.

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    6. esthert Penpusher
      2017-04-23T13:03:05+10:00Added an answer on April 23, 2017 at 1:03 pm

      I think you need to clarify the goal – the king must overcome the evils of the royal family in order to….. what’s at stake? or else? ?Also the king doesn’t seem to have any flaws, only strengths…

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    7. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2017-04-23T15:04:11+10:00Added an answer on April 23, 2017 at 3:04 pm

      You need to tie the wisdom and kung fu to the threat and goal.

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    8. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-04-25T17:13:25+10:00Added an answer on April 25, 2017 at 5:13 pm

      Hard to add anything of much value to this thread, but I will say that a mix of martial arts and monarch drama sounds very interesting.
      I look forward to reading future drafts of this.

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