Logliner
Posted: 2016-07-07T16:44:19+10:00 In:

A bookstore owner must re-live his father’s murder, stay alive, and protect his friends when the murderer escapes from an asylum transfer.

A bookstore owner must re-live his father’s murder, stay alive, and protect his friends when the murderer escapes from an asylum transfer.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      By “relive,” do you mean he has to experience the murder from his father’s perspective?

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    2. Singularity

      >> must re-live his father’s murder.

      Loglines should focus on the dramatic problem to be solved NOW, in the present tense. ?The dramatic problem NOW is to apprehend and/or kill the murderer. “Re-living the murder” — whatever that means — is old business ?Maybe it’s a complicating factor in the story proper but it is extraneous for the purpose of a logline.

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    3. Singularity

      Loglines should emulate the experience of reading the script, re order the elements in your logline so they replicate the sequence of events in the story.
      For example:
      After his father’s killer escapes an asylum, a fearful book-store owner must kill him in order to save his family.

      I changed your action description “…stay alive…” is vague and a given, and “…re-live his father’s murder…” confusing – the reader won’t understand what that actually means.

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