A brilliant DACA student is abducted to an island with four other people, all trying to escape until a violent mistake spirals out of control, revealing no one to be who they seem. She must figure out whom to trust and survive.
candersonmLogliner
A brilliant DACA student is abducted to an island with four other people, all trying to escape until a violent mistake spirals out of control, revealing no one to be who they seem. She must figure out whom to trust and survive.
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At 42 words this, much like your other loglines, is too long and it hides plot crucial details – check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for more information on logline conventions.
What is a DACA student? The fact I need to ask means it’s the wrong description to use. It’s best to only include phrases, words, and acronyms that most decision makers can understand without Googling.
“…a violent mistake…” – this needs clarification, what exactly happens that is a violent mistake?
“…spirals out of control…” – what does this mean in practical terms?
“…must figure out whom to trust and survive…” – loglines are used to describe a plot which requires a goal not goals, so which of these is the primary goal for the MC. As survival holds greater stakes, I suggest you make that her goal. However, survival is rather generic and merely a preservation of the status quo, is there something else she can do that will give her a better outcome? For example, she could be made the leader and responsible for the lives of the rest of the characters.
“When a brilliant DACA student is abducted, she must plot an escape through the secluded island with four other inmates who aren’t what they seem”
Although If it is “horror” I’m guessing your version is holding back some real detail which needs to be conveyed
Good luck