Posted: 2012-04-10T21:47:13+10:00 In:

A bullied, outcast teen exacts revenge at a Halloween Haunted Prison by commanding the evil spirits of the violent inmates that died in a riot there fifteen years earlier, only to discover that his lifelong nemesis is really his illegitimate brother.

The first installment of a 3 picture Halloween horror franchise.

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    5 Reviews

    1. It sounds like a lot for a logline to me. Not sure if that’s right or not. Maybe you are telling too much or giving too much of the story away? I don’t think we need to know it’s at a Halloween Haunted Prison. I think you can take that part out. Also, why would he command evil spirits that died? Is he a warlock or is he into Witchcraft?

      A bullied, outcast teen exacts revenge by resurrecting evil sprits to haunt them but things go wrong and now he must stop the evil spirits destruction.

      I know that’s probably not you’re story but right now knowing it’s his illegitimate brother doesn’t exactly hook me into reading it at the moment.

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    2. I agree, TMI. Don’t tell the end. And I don’t think you need to tell where the evil spirits come from. I like the begining, it’s a nice hook.

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    3. Thanks, It and Jennifer. Points well taken.

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    4. Penpusher

      Alright, I can’t get the story out of my head. Steve, are you on linked? I swear I won’t steal your material.

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    5. Thanks, Jennifer. I always feel honored and even a bit humbled when I’ve hooked someone. My linkedIn addy is http://www.linkedin.com/in/stevenbloome

      Please feel free to stop by, say hi and even connect with me. Have a wondrous weekend.

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