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LeviathanSamurai
Posted: February 20, 20192019-02-20T14:16:37+10:00 2019-02-20T14:16:37+10:00In: Romance

A happy house wife is kidnapped when she finds her husband, a reformed crime lord, back in the act of committing dark evil crimes, leaving him to decide whether or not to save her and how it will affect his empire and himself if he does.

A happy house wife is kidnapped when she finds her husband, a reformed crime lord, back in the act of committing dark evil crimes, leaving him to decide whether or not to save her and how it will affect his empire and himself if he does.
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    2 Reviews

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    1. Richiev Singularity
      2019-02-20T16:12:23+10:00Added an answer on February 20, 2019 at 4:12 pm

      Protagonists are pro-active. If they are kidnapped then they are forced to solve their own problem.
      In your story, things happen to the lead character and someone else decides her fate.
      Either the story should be changed so that the protagonist solves her own problem (And determines her own fate)
      Or the lead character should be changed to the crime lord. (Who is the one making all the decisions)

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    2. Mike Pedley Singularity
      2019-02-20T19:42:16+10:00Added an answer on February 20, 2019 at 7:42 pm

      Agree with Richiev.

      If the house wife is the protagonist, write the whole thing from her perspective. If the husband is the protagonist, write the inciting incident from the husband’s perspective.

      Genre as romance…? There may be elements of romance in there but my gut feeling is that this is more of a crime film.

      Who actually kidnaps the wife? From this logline it sounds a bit like the husband is behind it but I’m pretty sure that’s not the case given that he then has to decide whether or not to save her. With any logline, it’s important not to confuse the reader or leave anything open to interpretation. The words you write in a logline are the only thing that is going to get someone to pick up your script so make every single one count and make sure they are reading the same version of the story that is in your head.

      As a goal, making a decision is not a great one. Imagine watching someone, even the best actor in the world, making a decision. It’s all happening inside the actor’s head. You need a goal that requires action that can be seen on screen.

      Hope this helps.

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