AMERICAN HISTORY X
EvaristeGaloisPenpusher
A charismatic young white supremacist goes to prison, where hard experience teaches him the error of his ways. When released, he resolves to leave his former life behind — but finds to his horror that it may be too late to save his kid brother from repeating his mistakes.
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Hey, interesting father-kid concept about racism.
Best is you avoid many adjectives to describe your main character ?in a logline. The word “charismatic” is not needed and doesn’t give us any more information we need to know. Drop it.
I think young white supremacist is enough.
But be remembered: every word should have a meaning in a logline.
Also, ?try to sum up a logline within one sentence.
Have a look at the formula stated on this page:
“When [a major event happens], [the hero], must [do the main action].”
You need an inciting incident, a MC and an objective goal your hero strives for.
Try to write your logline this way.
All the best with it!
I agree that you have the elements….consider though, incorporating the inciting incident into the second sentence and omitting the first.? It might also be prudent to clarify the stakes for the younger brother e.g. save him from prison or something more specific.
After being released from prison, an ex neo-Nazi skinhead tries to prevent his younger brother from taking the same wrong path ?he did.
(23 words)
“release is the inciting incident. ?It isn?t.”
Then what is the inciting incident? For the logline you’ve posted, it seems to start quite a while before we meet the brother he’s attempting to dissuade. Perhaps it would be better for the inciting incident is when the just released from prison brother finds his brother doing something with neo-Nazis.
I like dpg’s re-write, I do believe the story begins with the release from prison.
It’s been a long time since I saw the flick, and the IMDB write ups left me confused on the elements we’re trying to figure out, so I added the title to my viewing queue. ?I should have more informed input within a week or so.
After re-viewing the movie, “American History X”, ?and untangling the story line, all the flashbacks and V.O. narrative, I stand by my logline. ? To wit:
After being released from prison, an ex neo-Nazi skinhead tries to prevent his younger brother from taking the same wrong path he did.
Although the movie opens with the predicament of the kid brother, ?Danny, he is not the protagonist. ? The kid brother is the stake character and concurrently the point of view character. ?He’s the stake character because everyone else is trying to influence him, to win his soul. ?His older brother and his teacher are trying to divert him away from the neo-Nazi gang; while the gang leader is trying to seduce him into a deeper commitment.
The protagonist is the older brother, Derek, because:
1] He is the most proactive character in the film; his actions drive the story. ?For worse, and then better, his personality and actions constitute the strongest influence on the life of his brother.
2] He has a concrete objective goal and that goal drives the plot. ?He commences the pursuit of his goal with the inciting incident, his release from prison.
3] He is the character with the strongest character arc. ?While in prison, he does a complete reversal, a complete 180 of his belief system and behavior. ?In contrast, his brother resists, then vacillates, ?then begins to reverse his life course (because, again, of the influence of his brother), and then just when it looks like he may have come around to his older brother’s point of view…
fwiw
Sounds like the film “American history X” which starred Edward Norton & Edward Furlong
A former neo-nazi skinhead tries to prevent his younger brother from going down the same wrong path that he did.
Which Ed Furlong does attempt to do following his release, however the story begins before he’s imprisoned!