A cloned Marine on shore leave is abducted by a spy who manipulates him into joining him on a covert operation on an enemy planet, to stop a rogue officer from starting an interstellar war.
Adam Bernstr?mSamurai
A cloned Marine on shore leave is abducted by a spy who manipulates him into joining him on a covert operation on an enemy planet, to stop a rogue officer from starting an interstellar war.
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Yes, delete the reference to the spy. ?The original version puts the spy in the driver’s seat of the plot, makes the Marine a pawn in the spy’s game, a puppet whose strings are being pulled by the spy (abduction and manipulation).
The amended version (finally) seems to put the Marine in the driver’s seat of the plot. ?Or is he?
Why MUST the Marine be abducted and manipulated? ?Why can’t he CHOOSE to go on the mission of his own free will? ?It seems to me that accepting the mission because he’s been abducted and manipulated is ?a weak motivation, the wrong reason. ?It’s feels negative, passive. ?If the Marine is more than a puppet, a pawn then I suggest he has to accept the mission of his own free will for a ?positive personal reason. ?He has to be pursuing his own object goal. ?His objective goal may be in service of a higher, greater cause, but it’s got be his choice, his goal. ?He should have skin in the game, personal stakes.
I thought it was clear that the Marine is the protagonist. Maybe if I don’t mention in the logline who abducts the Marine, would that make it clearer?
A cloned Marine on shore leave is abducted and into going on a covert operation on an enemy planet, to stop a rogue officer from starting an interstellar war.
It’s still not clear who the protagonist is. ?Who owns the story? ?The Marine or the spy? ?Whoever it is, the logline should be framed to focus on and feature that character.