Title: The runner
ArturoPenpusher
A college football star’s dream of turning pro is jeopardized when he’s charged with the task of caring for his niece following his sister’s tragic death.
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The gap for me is the word “charged” as it has negative legal connotations. Which raises the question, what’s stopping him from saying no? He is not legally bound to care.
Example:
“A top NFL draft pick career is jeopardized when taking in the mischievous niece of his deceased sister”
Keep going!
Thank you for the reply!
A possible conflict I was thinking is that the protagonist had previously experienced light symptoms of PTSD without knowing it (he and his sister were victims of child abuse. He played sports to cope with the effects of the abuse while his sister used drugs.)
Once the protagonist is taking care of the child, every mistake he makes while rising her creates a burden because he thinks he is like his father. Thus, he now experiences full PTSD symptoms.
About the sister I was thinking she died of an overdose (she was a junkie in the protagonist’s eyes…. she was weak for using drugs). The protagonist at the beginning reluctantly fosters the child, but once he realizes the real damage that the abuse created on them, he understood her sister’s decisions and learns how to raise his niece.
Thank you again. I’m just trying to see where this can lead me.
“college football star” = protagonist
“dream of turning pro” = main character goal
“jeopardized when he me must care for niece following his sister’s tragic death” = inciting incident
Great logline! Has all three important elements, character, goal & conflict. Even has strong emotional qualities, with death of a sister.
Going deep, does this then mean the ‘niece’ is the antagonist? Seems to be the principle character preventing a hero from achieving his goal.
If so, a possible refinement might be to add a layer of psychology. What kind of character might the niece be? What if she had internal traits directly opposite to the football star? For example, she might be very affectionate, and he might be cold and heartless. Or, she might be sad and remorseful, while he might just want to get on with life. Such a refinement may really add to character arch – a heartless football star -> transforms into -> a warm and loving uncle …