When a disgraced Intel decodes a Commanders Tweets, conscious to inform his ex-handlers and save his country, but getting pass a new Command chain can risk his life.
recluseLogliner
When a disgraced Intel decodes a Commanders Tweets, conscious to inform his ex-handlers and save his country, but getting pass a new Command chain can risk his life.
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As noted, the logline is short on specifics.
The inciting incident needs to be more specific. That is, what is there about the tweets that commands the attention and concern?
And what specifically must he do about it?
And what’s at stake — what is lost or suffered if he fails, what is won or gained if he succeeds?
I’m confused by the structure of this sentence.
What do you mean with “tweets” and what does a neuropsychiatrist has to do with a commander?
And what, specifically, must the neuropsychiatrist do before its too late?
You have to give a detailed description of the main characters, the conflict and the goal.
I don’t see a story here. Not yet.
Best regards!