Penpusher
Posted: 2019-07-24T03:11:32+10:00 In:

A confident woman reaches a small and mysterious motel, where she is forced to take a look back at her life. (Short)

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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      >>>>>a terrible secret, putting her in immediate danger.

      This version sets up (vaguely) a situation for a plot, but does not follow through with a clearly defined plot. Alas, it amounts to hiding the game ball. A logline reader has no clue what the secret could be. No clue what the danger is. And no clue as to the woman’s objective goal in response to the danger.

      What is there about the “terrible secret” that makes it the inciting incident that puts her in danger?? What is that danger? What must she do about it?

      What is her objective goal?

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    2. Singularity

      I agree with dpg.

      The characteristic (in your case “confident”) usually hints at their character arc. This is where we get a clue about what their internal, emotional journey is going to be. So if you say confident, the suggestion is perhaps that she will end up lacking confidence. If that isn’t the case maybe consider a different word here.

      We definitely need to know who or what is forcing her to look back at her life and why. What is the purpose of this?

      How is this going to work visually? Will we see flashbacks? Or is she just sitting looking nostalgic? Is she talking us through her memories? Visually, I need a clue as to how it’s going to work.

      Hope this helps.

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    3. Singularity

      What is so mysterious about the motel that it forces her to look back on her life?? IOW:? what is the inciting incident?

      ?And look back how– with satisfaction?? After all she’s a confident woman.? If she looks back with regret or remorse, what causes her confidence to? flip? Why MUST she look back at her life?? And what are the stakes — what does she stand to lose if she doesn’t look back?

      Also “forced to” means the “mysterious motel” or something or someone else is in the driver’s seat of the plot.? Even when the main character is a victim of circumstances, she should be in the driver’s seat of the plot (and so represented in the logline).

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