Penpusher
Posted: 2019-11-30T10:05:31+10:00 In:

A couple new acquaintances, memory damage and pain escallating hallucination influence the dark recovery of a young man who woke impossibly from a long term coma

A couple new acquaintances, memory damage and pain escallating hallucination influence the dark recovery of a young man who impossibly woke from a long term coma

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    2 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Singularity

      Both this logline and your previous one string words together in such a way that confuses the reader instead of clarifying the story.

      As a result, I don’t believe this logline is doing justice to your story.

      From reading both loglines I am making out three interesting elements

      1: Your lead character wakes from a long term coma.

      2: Upon waking up your character is beset by pain and hallucinations.

      3: His awakening has gone viral (This is from your last logline)

      But what seems missing from your logline, is your lead character’s goal.

      What does your lead character want, and what bad thing will happen if he fails to get it?

       

      • 0
    2. Best Answer
      Singularity

      Agreed with Richiev.

      Clarity is key in loglines, and in this instance, sorely lacking. Break down the concept into its core components;

      What happens to the main character that forces him to take action?

      What does he do in response?

      What MUST he achieve?

      • 0