Logliner
Posted: 2019-12-31T04:41:13+10:00 In:

A crisis manager gets recruited by the vigilante crew he idolizes to expose how the family business he is paid to protect sells memories.

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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Alas, the logline buries the lead, the hook.? One has to read all the way to the last words to discover the interesting part of the premise, that the business is selling memories.

      Further,? a reader can only take the words of a logline at face value — he can’t read the writer’s mind, what he intended to say; he can only read the words on the screen.? And the words on the screen don’t tell us what the protagonist’s objective goal is.? The logline tells us that he’s recruited, but it doesn’t say he accepts the offer or how he intends to go about achieving what the vigilantes want from him.

      And that’s segues to another issue:? the vaguely defined goal is owned by the vigilante crew, not by the crisis manager.?? They’ve subcontracted their goal for him to fulfill. It is not sufficient that he admires them.? He must passionately WANT and NEED to undertake the job for personal reasons– he must have personal stakes.

      fwiw

      ?

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    2. Logliner

      Is the fact he is a crisis manager relevant, or does it in any way lead to a conflict or irony? If not, maybe you want to replace “crisis manager” with an description that can create a conflict with your storyline. Since you are talking about vigilantes, maybe you want to change it to “a district attorney,” or “retired cop turned security manager,” some title that visibly puts him in conflict with your story line…. just a thought!

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